I'd really love my life, i love every little thing about it, but it takes time, it takes time for me to learn and to accept and love those every little things, they were just like a sticky-hard-to-swallow-chocolate candies, its hard to enjoy it but in the end you still love them tho, its something that can't be resisted.
And it is true that now i'm in the middle of something called getting out of my comfort zone, and its also true that life begins in the end of your comfort zone. And honestly i don't know what to do and where life gonna take me, and sometimes i'm just tired of being me, its not because i don't know how to be grateful for who i am, i am just really tired for being me and failed for the damn times. People who laugh most of the time might be not as happy as you see. You may say that i'm in the phrase of failing, and i don't how and when i can get back up again, all i can see now is just, how failed i am for being me. And its all on me.
So is it okay for not being okay right? Is it okay for not in the mood for talking to people? Is it wrong if i'm scared to fail again so i don't want something more, i just want to be okay again, i want to be me again.
Sometimes i lose it all, i lose my willing to change and im all like, maybe this is how i gonna live my life for the rest of it, and sometimes i hate my self and thinking "where the f is that girl who always wanted to be a doctor and a good writer?".
And about people, i just can't giving any damn to them who is not respecting me, like why would i care about someone who is not even want me in his life.
Now i know, life is all about and a big 'How?'
How you can do this, how can you do that?
How you can make it?
How you make things work?
How you talk, walk, smile,cry, and breath?
How people think about you? (its true, admit it, you always think about what everyone else thinking about u)
And how to live it? how to get back to the race? how to get yourself on the right track? how to not fail again? and its about how your looks.
But still something worth won't come easy, isn't it? Beside that, i always know that i always have someone to give me a hand if i found myself fail again, i know He will walk me through this, i know He won't let me fail in the future, so He has set it perfectly, but first i must know how it feels to fail, so i can laugh at myself later, i know i will be okay, but not today:'))
And if ever i found my self lose it all again, i will read this, and it always makes me feel better,
You may say, "I can't do this" but if you know him you will say, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13)
You may say, "no one loves me" but He will say, "I love You. God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."(John 3:16)
You may say, "I'm tired" and He will say, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28)
You may say, "i'm scared" and his words has said it all, "God has not given us a spirit of fear." (2timothy 1:7)
And you may say, "i feel like im all alone", and He will say, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews13:5)
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