Fifteen, almost Christmas, pressure

There's so much things i want to share to this blog, is too much but right at the moment i saw this page my dumb brain said it's okay to forget them all. Well damn you too brain, damn you too.

But so far i remember, now i'm 15th, thank God, and i'm so grateful to have my kind of family that always stand up for me whenever i need them. And of course thank you for the root beer and flour that you guys have threw at me, you guys were such an amazing creatures yet so silly but still i love you guys till the moon and back.

And December is getting closer, i am so excited for all of the christmas celebrations already, and i'm going to be part of the #5000choir this year even though it will be held on Dec 7th which is the second day of my midterm, can you feel my struggle? Bytheway, i met some new friends and i'm so blessed to found them, they're so rawking lol.
Time flies. It's (almost) christmas season again, am i the only one who already got my house full of xmas ornaments? My mom is pretty excited about christmas, no wonder her daughter got it too. Our xmas tree is white this year and will be decorated with blue ornaments. Every christmas me and mom will talk about what color should we use on the tree, it could be just one color.
And i will do the same with my daughter later, it will be so much fun....

And about the pressure, whatever happens, is always right behind me.
I've just turned into 15 in a week and it feels so damn rough lol. Feels like I'm at the lowest point on my life, i miss me, the old me, the old good days. And honestly someone who told me "you can do it" are really bother me. Sometimes i just need someone to understand that there's a day that i don't feel like trying and sometimes i'm not okay, i feel too, I'm tired of being tired and they said that it's okay not to be okay, sometimes. Sometimes wise words feels like nothing to me but someone who really understands me and let me be whoever i wanted are the greatest.
This is the reason why i love sleeping, it's a win win situation, you can just forget all of your problems and everything but you're not dead tho, and not giving a damn to anything is all that i friggin need for now.