Heartbroken, and Lost

Well now I'm lost. Literally.
I don't know what i want anymore, i don't know what and who to hold and all i wanna do is just laying down and not to think for months.

all i know is being forced is sucks and i swear it will never brings you any good, so don't you ever try to do it with someone especially the one you loved. What is so good about being happy and being loved when the one who give you that feelings is sad and not doing it just because they want to but because they are being forced to do such things?

If it was meant to be, it will happen.

There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be like they said it would be.

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Hv you ever got your heart broke and it hurts so damn bad? Is it normal for human to feel this kind of pain? Bcs i don't know what should i do to bear the pain. Its like being punched right in your heart by someone you thought will never hurt you.
Despite the physically pain, it hurts you emotionally and never knew it could be worse than the physically-pain itself, and as always,
when i thought that it couldn't be any worse, its getting worse, i have no one visible to hold, and crying yourself to sleep is the worst feeling ever,
i miss my dad so much, i need him to walk in to my room and eat a bag of chocolate and say "you can't have it" but he will always ended up give them to me anyway.

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Sometimes, words is not even close to 'enough'.

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I've made a promise to myself, i will never force my kids to be something they don't when they have grew up. I will support them in every step they want to take.

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I will never knew where life will take and give me, but hard-times like the one I'm having right now is exhausting even tho i know it builds me. but i really am just tired, it seems like no one is on the same track with me and they just disagree with all the things I'm trying to say, the world seems to be beat me down to my lowest point


instead of telling them how much it hurts me, all i can do is nothing, its a lot way more easier to hurt myself than to telling them, they won't give a damn anyway. I need a distraction. i don't want to hurt people around me but its just like they keep telling me that all i do was just hurting them. What should i do then?