What If I Told You

So its me, just went back from the hospital, went to see my uncle that got sick so he has to spending a few days on the hospital, get well really soon, unc!♥

It brings me so much happiness, i mean to see my whole family, not really means the whole 'whole', but they're all there, gathered in a room and based on my exp they're all don't even care when-how-or where is it they will be there to gathered as a team, laughing with each other and came with the same purpose to give a support to my unc, one of us, even if its just telling him 'get well soon' and pray for him, but that means a world.
And am so grateful to have all this kind of thing on my life, and suddenly this thought came up on my mind, 'well screw all of those pressure, what so ever what am doing, am doing it for them, am gonna beat this thing up and in the end i could make them proud to have me."

♦♦♦♦

And what is it? Why this post titled 'what if i told you'? So there's another random thoughts that popped out on my head. And this thing brings me to write all of these words,

sooooo, "What if I told you that tomorrow, when you're awake from your sleep, you gonna lose all of your memories, every single memories, and you won't be able to recognize your family, even your parents. Its just the things you've learned in school and your name that left. The rest is well, lost."

The question is, "How you gonna take this thing? what are you gonna do first?"
"One thing that you will regret if you gonna lose it, one thing that you thought that would never be forgotten"
"And who you gonna miss so bad, even if you just thinking about the idea to forget she or he or them?"

For me, even its just thinking about the idea, it seriously makes me sad, i mean, the memories itself is the thing that keep me alive, the story of my family is one of them, the fact that i will against the pressure for them....

And the thing that i will regret if it happens to me is definitely those memories of my family, when i was a little ones until now that i'm a almost15th-highschooler, and my 3 years of junior high school, i thought they will never be forgotten.
And for the secondquest, mymom, literally, and my besties, my partners in crime, this question made me having that ' i want to  meet them right now' feelings.

I've asked this questions to a few people and based on their answers, the point is the loss of the bff-goodtime-memories that will be a regret and family is the one will be missed so damn much and of course bestfriends is the second-one and a lover they said lol, or their first love, this kind of answer made my laugh:)) You can answer it for yourself, honestly, this questions and all of the idea has gave me a lot of thoughts that contained of what-how-and what if

Just wave your magicwand, use your imagination, no one knows the truth for tomorrow or the next day well no one will ever know about the future, it always been a mystery and no one can change these fact, always means forever, right? At least that's how it must be

How it feels

So this is how it feels, it feels like no one is on the same track with you, they are so hard to be found, you know that they are somewhere in this crowd, but you just don't know and you are too scared to tell people how you feels, to looking for them, you are as scared as them.
And a true friend means the world for me now, and a laughter is too worthy to be skipped, it feels so damn good if someone could make me laugh, and i can't tell you how i miss my own laughter back then in junior highschool, i mean it, and now it feels like i can't laugh without my sadness tears on my eyes, am dying of my sadness-laugh.

And the pressure, it seriously shocked me at the first time, am just trying to keep my self still hang on my first purpose to be that damn success woman, titled doctor and helping people, as i've promised to my mom and what i've said in my prayers, if someday i could make it happen. And i will do!

Nobody told me that it would be this hard, even though i know it wouldn't be easy.
Aaaaand, unfortunately, me yes me, definitely not a math-person, i wish i was, well yea i wish

The Weirdos

It is a weird world filled by weirdos, isn't it? And me, you, and all of us is one of those weirdos.
Is all in your hand, what kind of weirdo you wanted to be, "I want to be like her - him - this and that and whatsoever, or maybe i like it this way" but i guess most people living life like is all about chasing perfectness, to be that damn perfect-weirdo, one of a kind, the one and only, in your own way, and it is just that perfect.

And everybody will keep saying that nobody is perfect, well nobody is, repeat that words, nobody is perfect. And once again, it is all up to you how take this things, is about the matter of perspective, you can say that nobody is perfect, that means no one, not even a single person, is none, OR you take this thing in a 'nobody-no one means you don't have to something for everybody to be perfect, you just have to be you.' way.

Sometimes it takes time to find the right ones to made you feel perfect, even your scars, needs, looks, and drawbacks made you perfect in those eyes, those eyes who belongs to the right ones. One weirdo belongs to another weirdo and made a perfect-sparkling-things, even if it's just what they thought.

Meanwhile in somewhere else, there's this one kind of weirdos who is living his life to chase the perfection itself, he's trying to be the one and only, to be that anti-mainstream and to be where the spotlights is, but unfortunately he is doing it wrong, too many weirdos did the same thing and it became mainstream and people don't like it.

And there is that kind of weirdos who will do everything for perfection and the spotlight, even if is not a good thing, to break the rules and all of those things, we all know that kind of person, i know

And the last example is that kind of weirdos who is belive me, has thought that they're all perfect, honestly this kind is who i hate the most, like seriously,
number of exes, or who is obsessed with you is not a thing to be proud of, i guess, or maybe that's what i believe after all of this time, i wouldn't mine if you are telling me about your good scores, achievements and proud of it, well it has to be, and there's a huge chance that i will adore your intellegence, that's exactly a thing to be a step closer to the 'perfection'. Your brain will find a thousand ways to bring you to a success world. It will bring you anywhere you want to.


The thing is, i am a weirdo who is believe the second theory that i made by my self, that i don't have to be something special to be perfect, i just have to be me, yes that girl called icon, and trying my best to keep my self on the right track that lead me into the success world. And i know it won't be as easy as passing junior high school, even if it's not easy though.
But remember that i'm a weirdo, right? And a weirdo is a special thing, we won't do the mainstream thing, there's no limit for us, limitless is the word, and we enjoy doing weird things, bcs sometimes the weird ones is the good ones, the anti-maintstream ones, and once again is all about the matter of perspective, perspective is every-damn-thing.

Senior High Schooler

Am oficially a highschooler, whoop whoop!

Terimakasih Tuhan MOPD-nya sudah selesai, terimakasih juga untuk siapapun dan apapun yang sudah membantu icon selama 3 hari kemarin! Tuhan Yesus berkati lebih lagi:]

It's been 4 days and well i feel nothing, i don't know why, but am so happy that 3 days of something called MOPD is done, and believe me the harder part is coming right on, we'll see....

And am still trying to made my self believe that it won't be easy though, and i need to be prepared for this whole new thing, work friggin harder and so on

And right now, am in the middle of something called 'taking my guitar back into my hands and fingers' since i don't know when is the last time i touch this thing, and watching a bunch of videos from michael buble, ily michlbuble, seriously, and i love you even more now

Day minus 5

Dude, seriously i need that 'omg! I am a highschooler! omg omg" spirit back, i'm not really feel it recently. It's day minus 5 before the day and all am thinking about is how to live a life normally, my sleep track is screwed, like totally.

 And am sitting here breathing and installed the sims 3 expanspack, yes the Island Paradise, i can't breath, i just hope there's no more freakin errors....

A tons of luck, that is what exactly i needed, i hope for a brighter life here

And bytheway i've watched World War Z! and ouch, i adore your imagination, sir! 

So that's it for now, am gonna try to play the IslandParadise, omg

Dream-Prom

Friday, July 05, 2013. 10:58
Today is all about dreaming! Fri-dream-day♥

So this post will be about my promnight in senior higschool, less then 3 years from now on,

I want something about glamourous, modern-espanola, and carnival in an extraordinary way, to show people who we really  or who we wanted to be, to be out of the box, to prove our freedom and our hearts, to express what we want.
I want my dress look like this one, i made the design my self, don't judge i can't draw:

It's high and low skirt, and it's black, red satin and perfect, maybe 3 years from now people would say this dress old-fashioned, like that would be matter to me, i even think about the rose seriously, that sounds weird but i love it that way:))

Back to the prom, i imagined that it would be all perfect and fun, everybody participates, we hired a one or two hosts, photographers so everybody can enjoy the party, everything was set perfectly so we can just let it begin like press the 'play' button, to start the night.
The prom's set to hold at a hotel ballroom, or an auditorium, something like that, we magically turn it into a perfect place for that night, it's all dark, blue and purple, with an incredible lightings.

First thing first, we're all gathered in the lobby, to take pictures at the photo-booth, with whoever you want to. Then the music starts to play.

We're all in the ballroom now, it's standing party, so everybody start to gathering in the front of the stage, there's a table of course, everybody go find their happiness on their own but in the same kind of ways, meet their friends, taking pictures, laughing, and dancing,

Party and Bullsht by Rita Ora
Broken Hearted by Karmin, to tell someone how long you've been waiting for them, "so can we finish what we started? don't you leave me broken hearted tonight." lol, the irony
Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus is on. Bring us happiness from head to toe, everybody looks so different.

Let's skip the dinner part, and now it's time for the bands, little dance or slow dance is about to be come,

To Be With You, to remind you that it's the last chance to be honest that you're the one who wants to be with her or him

No Ordinary Love by MYMP, it is getting more blurry, some couple start to crowded the dance floor, the rest is just smiling and singing along.

Only Reminds Me of You by MYMP, to remind you all of the heartbreaks on your highschool years, how good it feels, how bad it feels and so on, how hurt love is.. "how could i ever let you go, is it too late to let you know?"

So Close by Mclauglin to bring your promdate or someone to do some littler-awkward-slow dance, that am sure will be an unforgotable moment.

And yep, now moving on and let the sadness go away, next playlist, now everybody seems like they are having their times of their lives.

Someday We'll know by New Radicals for the mellow-time closing.

Aaaaaand, We Are Young by Fun is on! The sticklights is begin to lifted up, and no, it won't ended so soon, Some Nights it's next, everybody seems so happy until it feels hurts bcs you just realized that the next day it won't be like this time anymore, we're all not the same people anymore, so many different directions has been taken.
But it's fine for a while, we're having fun,

now, it's time for your promdate' performance! Soooo excited, he performs the Michael Buble' song, Save The Last Dance for Me!!! now all things seems soo perfect to you,  he started to sing, he hold your hand and  take you to the stage, to do some salsa with him, you don't care with how he or you moves, you just laugh and do some retard salsa moves with him, and it's just that fun., how he look into your eyes when the lyrics said, "And don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you gonna be, so darling, save the last dance for me." AND, "Baby, don't you know i love you so? Can't you feel it when we touch? I will never never let you go, I love you oh so much."

Now you back to your friends, he, your promdate has one song left, It's A Beautiful Day, still Buble's song to sing. So it's on. The music brings happiness, even if about a broke-up couple, he is moved on, so it all fine in the end, to remind you the past, how your oldcrushes or exes broke your heart and now you can say, "I'm glad that you're the one that got away. It's a beautiful day."

Time Flies. Now it's the flashback time! The video's playing, you can see yourself and your friends back then, you and the others laughing, and even crying at the same time, and you don't even know how to feel, everything seems so fine and you don't want to go but you can't,


The Last Song, everybody make a circle, a huge circle, Forever Young, is begin to play, and oh you can see your friends, started to cry and laugh, the huge circle started to move and you sing along together with them, even screaming like who the hell care what it sounds like, "hoping for the best but expecting the worse" "Forever young, i want to be forever young do you really wanna  live forever, forever, forever young." ♥
And hugs, tears even kisses is not even enough to express your feelings to them, how you love them so much, how much you want to relive those moment again, forever and ever

Self-Updating

Now, Am saying hello to July.

So, it happened again, right? Time flies. I have a week left to be ready, and honestly, am not ready and am not even thinking about to be ready, so it's all like this thing called 'life' push me to a road (hardly) and i have no rights to turn back so all i gotta do is walk until the end of that road, and i don't see any chance offered so it's just happened, this thing called life is blind, deaf, and nice sometimes, it taught me things.

Well, maybe it's just me who is not ready for a new thing, so it's July and am talking about preparing my self to be ready, new and updated. 

I made a deal with my mom about us to starting a diet program, to keep us from get ill and stuffs, so she told me to do this and she will buy me a polaroid, which is nice, and right, you don't have to ask, it is accepted.

And i just sent my approval to the googleads, it told me to wait for the approval for a week or more, and i don't know how this could happened bcs well i don't really get it, i just hope that someday, you, yes you, my blog will be something useful, and yeah, me too....

My senior high-school uniforms is ready, and am kinda excited even though a little bit scared, well it feels randomly random as always, so it's fine.

And talking about some updating things, i've changed this blog theme to the old ones, it feels more accepted, based on this blog' title and so on.

And am thinking about start to study some science just to be prepared, and ohmy you can call me everything but am dying to see my polaroid, i've been waiting this moment, thanks mom♥

And i've started a new habit to drink water, in a unormally way bcs i think it's too much, till i can feel it move in my stomach, but it is a good habit, so let's do it people!:)) 

So once again, hi july-dear, i think you bring me a few special things, right?