Daily Activs

I just did a little blogwalking and as we know it, those blogs is always inspired me to make a change on mine but i just do not know how.
Thinking about buy some books that contained craps about blogging but once again how?

And geez, I'm addicted to online shopping. I mean like, who doesn't get addicted buying things online while laying on your bed, you can get whatever that you want just using your fingers, to scroll and type and done!
I need to stop and i know that, but it's irresistable, well damn the online stores that put a picture of something cute on the instagram.
It's only 17th of October and I'm broke.

And hell yeah the results of the midterm has came out, but can we not doing this? My results are so wonderful in so many ways. It's trying to humiliating me, and I'm all like, "why can't we be friends, math?" Well at least my mandarinese was good, but who the hell cares about this pinyin and hanzi bullcraps? I want to be a doctor, so what should i do with a good score of speaking mandarinese?

I am trying to fit my self in. That's all i able to say. I know my kind of 'trying' is not good enough, but Thank God i have my second chance, i have another 3 months to prove it. Im just hoping that i can do a better job at school from now on. It will take a hard-work. It won't come easy. But i know it worth to fight for.

Well, I'm on that part of life when things is going hard but i kinda enjoy them, so hope people out there get their happiness that i believe belongs to them who is understand how to enjoy things even though they're not enjoyable.

And btw, can someone kick all of the attention-seeker-whores out of the world? sorry not sorry. And ugh girls, a big ugh, you guys need to stop to trying get that attention that doesn't belong to you. Stop being cheap. Why am i a girl?!

Oldies

There's some kind of song that stops me with everything i was doing and start to thinking what is the right moment to hear that song

Like, its too sweet to think if someone sing you the 'save the last dance for me' from Sinatra or 'wonderful tonight' by Clapton on your promnight or maybe wedding day, isn't it girls? or its just me idk

And boys, you guys should really proud if someone sing you the 'true love' by pink, "you're an asshole but i love you". There's a lot of song that should be singing to a girl to tell them how beautiful and special they are, but unfortunately that kind of song always first heard by girls, so all they do is just wondering if someone could sing that song for her meanwhile the boys listening to the'scream as loud as you can and who cares about the lyric' songs. 

So its always touched me if i see a boy holding a guitar and sing a song that no one would really know about it, an old song, bcs seriously oldies songs are the greatest one.

The Beatles, Rod Stewart, Richard Marx, Brian Mcknight, Eric Clapton, The Carpenters, Bee Gees, Phil Collins, and sometimes MYMP they're always been my favs. All recommended.

rêves

I have a lot of dreams, like really a lot of dreams......
I want to be a doctor
i want to be a good writer, maybe a guitarist
i want to be a traveler
i want to build my own house, i want to design my own room
i want to have my own pug
i want to go to NYC and France
i want to laying down in grass looking upon the stars with people who i care the most
i want to have a twin (a boy and a girl) someday
i want to be a great short movie maker
i want to record my whole life with my camera
i want to make a journal about my life so i can reread it all over again whenever i want to
i want someone to sing with me on top of our lungs and not giving a damn about how terrible our voice are
i want to be a designer and design my child clothes
i want to make a lot of great books, a funny one
i want to be great at cooking
i want to have a special room in my house in the future just like a home theater but the greatest one
i want to have my own library
i want to go somewhere that i've never been there
i want to touch the clouds, it looks funny but grumpy, seriously some of them just look grumpy
i want a friendship just like on the how i met your mother series
i want a guy bestfriend just like on the jane by design series
i want to see the unseen things
i want to celebrate new year on the beach
i want to celebrate new year on the road, screaming at people that i don't know and just wave and smile
i want everyone in my life to be happy
i want to be good at maths
i want to have a tree house
i want to hear someone singing on the beach with a guitar
i want to dedicate my life just to my family in the future
i want to be a super mom! just like mine
i want my kids to be my bestfriends
i want to see my kid at a concert or somewhere their passions are
i want to hold a penguin and a baby bear
i want to drive away in the middle of soft rain and well yea in the night
i want a journey
i want to live till i see my child has made it and happy
i want to travel around the world with my bestfriends
i want to have my secret closet or secret room
i want to have my own pattiserie or cafe or restaurant, a vintage one
i just want to be okay
i dont want my life to bea picture of perfection, a problem will make someone stronger, i just want to be happy

How can I

I am so sorry if me and my life is not as good as it must be, so you guys wondering who is this ungrateful girl who didn't know how to live her life and just complaining about it.

I'd really love my life, i love every little thing about it, but it takes time, it takes time for me to learn and to accept and love those every little things, they were just like a sticky-hard-to-swallow-chocolate candies, its hard to enjoy it but in the end you still love them tho, its something that can't be resisted.

And it is true that now i'm in the middle of something called getting out of my comfort zone, and its also true that life begins in the end of your comfort zone. And honestly i don't know what to do and where life gonna take me, and sometimes i'm just tired of being me, its not because i don't know how to be grateful for who i am, i am just really tired for being me and failed for the damn times. People who laugh most of the time might be not as happy as you see. You may say that i'm in the phrase of failing, and i don't how and when i can get back up again, all i can see now is just, how failed i am for being me. And its all on me.
So is it okay for not being okay right? Is it okay for not in the mood for talking to people? Is it wrong if i'm scared to fail again so i don't want something more, i just want to be okay again, i want to be me again.
Sometimes i lose it all, i lose my willing to change and im all like, maybe this is how i gonna live my life for the rest of it, and sometimes i hate my self and thinking "where the f is that girl who always wanted to be a doctor and a good writer?".

And about people, i just can't giving any damn to them who is not respecting me, like why would i care about someone who is not even want me in his life.

Now i know, life is all about and a big 'How?'
How you can do this, how can you do that?
How you can make it?
How you make things work?
How you talk, walk, smile,cry, and breath?
How people think about you? (its true, admit it, you always think about what everyone else thinking about u)
And how to live it? how to get back to the race? how to get yourself on the right track? how to not fail again? and its about how your looks.

But still something worth won't come easy, isn't it? Beside that, i always know that i always have someone to give me a hand if i found myself fail again, i know He will walk me through this, i know He won't let me fail in the future, so He has set it perfectly, but first i must know how it feels to fail, so i can laugh at myself later, i know i will be okay, but not today:'))


And if ever i found my self lose it all again, i will read this, and it always makes me feel better,

You may say, "I can't do this" but if you know him you will say, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13)

You may say, "no one loves me" but He will say, "I love You. God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."(John 3:16) 

You may say, "I'm tired" and He will say, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28) 

You may say, "i'm scared" and his words has said it all, "God has not given us a spirit of fear." (2timothy 1:7) 

And you may say, "i feel like im all alone", and He will say, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews13:5)

How I Wish

3 damn months left before 2014. Am i the only one who just realized that i've spent 11 months doing absolutely nothing like just breathing and suddenly its already october?
Sometimes i wonder if world really has something wrong like time flying too fast, its not even feels like 24hours a day, it feels like 15hours or something.
Maybe world has something wrong with the time just like the last spykids movie, i imagine well,kay

And my whole life is kinda of starting to hate me or what, it just made everything set perfectly to beat me up.
and i'm all like, 'can we not doing this' and 'please tell me this is not happening' the whole time, am beaten up. Can somebody just pick me up and take me to NY or New Zealand, or Afrika that no one knows me so i just could restart everything, nah idc

Sometimes i lost my faith to keep my self straight to my dreams, and all i wanna do is going back to my childhood when everything was okay and i know that it will always be okay.
But, nah, right now, all i know is that am not gonna ended up well if am not doing  this with an extra-super-greatways. So what the heck should i do then?

Anywaysssss, my mid-term is on this saturday, i have to say that am not ready yet, but who effin cares, so saturday it is.
Now my life is a big,"huh?" and a beautiful mess. Do not grow up is a trap.
For the damn times , HOW I WISH I'D NEVER GROWN UP


bytheway the playlist is new, randomized playlist. Those songs are my playlist for like this 2 weeks. hope you guys have a great days ahead.

True Love - Pink lyrics

Sometimes i hate every single stupid word you say

Sometimes i wanna slap you in your whole face.

There's no one quite like you,

you push all my buttons down. 

I know life would suck without you.

At the same time, i wanna hug you, i wanna wrap my hands around your neck

you're an asshole, but i love you.

And you make me mad i ask myself,

why am i still here or where could i go,

You're the only love i've ever known.

But i hate you, i really hate you, so much

I think it must be true love, true love, it must be true love

Nothing else can break my heart like true love, true love

it must be true love, no one else can break my heart like you

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings,

just once please try to not to be so mean.

Repeat after me now, R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E

Come on i'll say it slowly, you can do it baby.

At the same time, i wanna hug you, i wanna wrap my hands around your neck

you're an asshole, but i love you.

And you make me so mad i ask myself,

why am i still here or where could i go,

You're the only love i've ever known.

But i hate you, i really hate you, so much

I think it must be true love, true love, it must be true love

Nothing else can break my heart like true love, true love

it must be true love, no one else can break my heart like you.

Why do you rub me up the wrong way,

Why do you say the things that you say.

Sometimes i wonder how we ever came to be,

but without you i'm incomplete.

I think it must be true love, true love, it must be true love

Nothing else can break my heart like true love, true love

it must be true love, no one else can break my heart like you

seriously in love with this song, its just that sweet.