I will be

A random thoughts just pass me by, later in the future, i promise you guys i will be a good mom lol yes, thank you for my mother who has raised me well so i can think the way i do now.
Being a mom would be so special and fun yet so tiring, I can see it but if you guys look further in moms' eyes they would say 'it's okay, i live my life for my child' and they wouldn't mind do anything just to make their child happy.

Like i said before, having a twin will be one of my dreams, a boy and a girl, and my life would be purrfect. I would name them Keith for the boy, and Faith for the girl. Lol even to think about them bring me happiness.

So this is the reasons why i would be a good mother,
1. I will love them as much as i love cookies and cream ice cream, even more than that, it means more than i love myself bcs i love cookiesandcream more than myself.

2. I will love my child's father. And why i put this on one of the reasons? Well, they said if you love the father, you will love the child even more and more.

3. I will read them a lot of great books and tell them uhmaaazing stories, i will let them use their imagination, with me. We will fly to the sky to see the unicorns eating cotton candy while laying on the soft clouds and we will ask them for some cotton candy. Yes, kid, we will, i promise you

4. I will let them eat my food, as much as they want, and it must be someone special who i share my food with. We will eat chococake as much as we want to, dear, and not even your father can stop it, we will share everything we have.

5. I will let them use my stuffs. I will let the girl use my heels, clothes, or make-ups, someday they will use them either right?

6. We will laugh at stupid things together. I will laugh with them, even though i don't understand what they're trying to say, whatever makes them happy, it makes me happy too.

7. I will buy them a christmas,birthday, or 'i-just-wantto-buy-you-a-present' presents. There will be a lot of surprises.

8. I will sleep with them on their rough nights like when we just watch a horror movie or something, or kind of night when they just need their mommy. I will snuggle up with them and sleep with them until the morning comes.
And i will share my bed with them, they can sleep in my room anytime.

9. I will trust them. Even if they think everything seems impossible, even though i can feel it too, i will trust them no matter what.

10. I will write things about them so they can reread their childhood all over again and again. I will take a lot pictures.

11. I will be their bestestfriend. We will share secrets. They can tell me about their crush, about boy or girl, school, about their  problems, everydamnthing.

12. I will be their 'home'. I will try to dedicate myself for them, whenever they feel lonely, sad or failing i will be there even if all i can do is just snuggle up with them and telling them that everything is gonna be alright. Or i will make them a cup or two of hot chocolate.

13. I will be there for them, i promise. I will catch them, i will be right a step behind them in every step that they take, i will cheering for them when the world seems wanted them to break down.

14. I will be their biggest fan, number one supporter, i will be the one who jump the highest for them, screaming the loudest and laugh the hardest. My love will be unconditionally, unstoppable and unlimited. Even if i haven't seen them.

15. I will try my best. Seriously.

Fifteen, almost Christmas, pressure

There's so much things i want to share to this blog, is too much but right at the moment i saw this page my dumb brain said it's okay to forget them all. Well damn you too brain, damn you too.

But so far i remember, now i'm 15th, thank God, and i'm so grateful to have my kind of family that always stand up for me whenever i need them. And of course thank you for the root beer and flour that you guys have threw at me, you guys were such an amazing creatures yet so silly but still i love you guys till the moon and back.

And December is getting closer, i am so excited for all of the christmas celebrations already, and i'm going to be part of the #5000choir this year even though it will be held on Dec 7th which is the second day of my midterm, can you feel my struggle? Bytheway, i met some new friends and i'm so blessed to found them, they're so rawking lol.
Time flies. It's (almost) christmas season again, am i the only one who already got my house full of xmas ornaments? My mom is pretty excited about christmas, no wonder her daughter got it too. Our xmas tree is white this year and will be decorated with blue ornaments. Every christmas me and mom will talk about what color should we use on the tree, it could be just one color.
And i will do the same with my daughter later, it will be so much fun....

And about the pressure, whatever happens, is always right behind me.
I've just turned into 15 in a week and it feels so damn rough lol. Feels like I'm at the lowest point on my life, i miss me, the old me, the old good days. And honestly someone who told me "you can do it" are really bother me. Sometimes i just need someone to understand that there's a day that i don't feel like trying and sometimes i'm not okay, i feel too, I'm tired of being tired and they said that it's okay not to be okay, sometimes. Sometimes wise words feels like nothing to me but someone who really understands me and let me be whoever i wanted are the greatest.
This is the reason why i love sleeping, it's a win win situation, you can just forget all of your problems and everything but you're not dead tho, and not giving a damn to anything is all that i friggin need for now.

Grow Old with You - Adam Sandler lyrics

I wanna make you smile, whenever you're sad.

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.

All i wanna do is grow old with you.

I'll get your medicine, when your tummy aches.

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.

It could be so nice, growing old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you're cold.

Need you, feed you, even let ya hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink.

Put you to bed if you're had too much to drink.

Oh i could be the man who grows old with you. I wanna grow old with you♥

Let me just

There's so much things running in my head, am about to explode and give up.
And it's not me who has a lot of time to write but, i insist to have it, just not in the mood for giving a damn to math. Math exam tomorrow, and i haven't touched the books yet and it's almost midnight. Like there is gonna be the difference if i touch it or not.

I don't want to save those running thing in my head alone so here they are:
1. Why on earth math and physics are exist
2. How will i look for the next 2 years
3. Math and how sucks school is
4. Choir and christmas, i can't wait any longer, puhlease, or at least take me to friday, let us just skip thursday, or math, i don't care, but still i hate thursdays.
5. If only i can play keyboard or piano and have a good voice, life would be more fun
6. You guys can stay mad with me, whatever the problem is, you can just leave me and make fun of me, but you guys please do not ever ever ever yell at me, scream and use a not so great tune on me, am not gonna mad at you, i don't care, as long as you don't yell at my face, or well bye, even  the nicest people have limits dude. And I'm not the nicest people.
7. I think i can't go to school anymore, there's so much drama and mean people, always-mad person, oh well yea everything in school just pissed me off nicely.
8. Why am i a girl, i don't like them tbh
9. Math again, how can i survive, how to be a good math person that i know i am not and never will?
10. Can life be easier or something?
11. Im not good at anything i guess, i wish i was
12. Great books that i haven't done, i just don't have enough time and sleep
13. Maybe i would just give up, i don't know, i could just write books maybe, but i always wanted to be a doctor, seriously it is killing me, math sucks but they need it to be a doctor, or at least that's what to world know
14. Life would be perfect if you get through all of these hard times with the perfect guy, and growing old with him.
15. Things gonna be okay the way it used to be, right?
16 until 50. Math

Novemburr

Finally i have a chance to write on this blog.
Happy Novemburr guys, i wish you every happiness on this blessed month. It means rainy season, an additional point to be happy about. A comfy bed, a cup of tea or hot milk, warm blanket and good music, and don't forget about the sound of raindrops, srsly i love to hear 'em.

Well, 2013 is about to change into 2014, 2014 is 2 months away from here. And I'm about to getting old, fifteen, and well, of course, CHRISTMAS!
i learned a lot from last year, i don't want to expect a lot of things anymore, i don't want found my self disappointed on christmas day, again.

Bytheway, i've joined the 5000choir of Tiberias church this year, i think it would be fun, even the rehearsal was so great and of course i feel blessed to be part of them. The christmas celebration itself will be held on 7th december. It will be a great experience.

And just right at this very moment, I'm hating myself to let my self hate a person. I can't help it, her existences is killin me, i just can't
And why on earth, guys don't understand all of ths shits. There's like a thousand nice girls out there and why on the damn earth you choose that one? Like se-ri-ous-ly?! Now the phrase of "we're living in a world of fools" is makes sense to me.  And no it's not about the boy, i don't like him, it's just ashamed to see a good guy hanging out with a well you know what i mean. And once again I'm not jealous of them, honestly i don't want to be her even i get paid, well its just an example, but seriously, hanging out with guys is not wrong at all, its about how you behave around them and knowing the limits.
Pardon me for hating the attention seekers, they're just so annoying tbh.
Well I'm just so pissed off tonight, hope you guys are not.

Have a great november!