Dear you guys,

Dear you,
im so sorry i can't be good enough to you, it just seems like everything i did for you was nothing. I understand that I'm not good enough to be something on your eyes. I'm just me. Sorry for letting you guys down.
but is it okay to say that I'm trying? because i really do. It hurts myself to find out that I'm not qualified enough to get what i want, what you guys want, my life goals is just to make you guys proud to have me. Its been 10 years I'm chasing my dreams to make you happy, and don't you know that i have a lot of dreams too? but I've decided to chase this one. Im okay with that.
But i don't know high school could be this hard, i know that it wouldn't be easy but i also didn't know that it would be this hard, don't you guys know how many times i found my self saying "i can't do this please, I'm giving up" on this past 6 months? i bet you guys didn't know that. I kept things on my head alone.
And don't you know how it hurts when you said that I'm not trying hard enough? it feels like all you can do is just see me failing and told me to get me back up again and you know what? it is not helping me at all.
No, no, i know you guys love me, i know that I'm loved, and I'm so grateful for you all but nothing was made or set perfectly right?
The thing that keep reminding me to be strong to face all of those thing is you guys, my big lovely family, you don't know how it hurts me to read grandpa's text every year on my birthday, "God bless you Dr.Nicole Claudia" and I'm scared that i can't be that person he wanted me to be.
So the thing is, I'm not good enough to be in this field called high school, its not only the subjects that hard to be understood but the people are so mean and fake and ohmygod, i hate to say this but i can't fit in. Im so sorry. Its all on me, I'm the one who is hard to get to know to people, and once i get friends, believe me they're the best, because i become friends with people that who is not just a good friend.
Don't you guys know how happy i am, when i realized that i can fit in on this high school thing and i don't have to face this thing alone? Im so happy that i found people who is on the same track with me. I just wanna you guys get to know them and like them as much as i do. Do you ever heard that best friends are family that God send to us but late? So they came from another family but they are just like a brother or a sister to you?
I brought them all to you guys, so you can see it yourself, and i just hope that you can understand, i know you do. Friends are just like my family to me, they are 'you' in school.
And don't you know how it broke my heart to see that you guys can't accept my friends? you tell me that family are so much important than everything, but what if after all of these time your family is do nothing but letting you down? Sorry to say this. But in fact, this is what i feel.

So well, thank you. Now I've got nothing but a broken heart and thank you now i have no one to share this feeling with in school, thank you guys FOR ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME or no. And yeah thank you for helping me get no friends. I love you guys till the moon and back.

It is on its way

It is December, people, repeat, it is officially December. Maybe you would say, so what, it's still december first tho. But no, my heart says it's christmas already
So what should we do? here is some tips, make your own christmas song list, christmas wishes, searching for christmas pictures believe me it would be so much fun and go make your own hot chocolate.

But as for me, this day is full of assignments to do, it's been a busy and a rough day, but still sunday is one of my fav.
Feels like I'm home, eating christmas-cookies, with my laptop on and writing things on this blog, wearing a supercomfypjs and it's been a rainy day. Snuggleweather it is.

Im so glad that christmas is getting closer, and it's day minus 6 before the day that I'm going to be a choir, even though just for a day. I had so much fun during the rehearsal. I will miss those moments for sure, my fridays are not going to be as great as this past 3 weeks. Im blessed to know them.

The exams is around, and well whenever i think about them i feel so tired yet so sad. Maybe I'm just scared, okay it is me, I'm just scared that i can't be good enough. Is okay riteeee

I will be

A random thoughts just pass me by, later in the future, i promise you guys i will be a good mom lol yes, thank you for my mother who has raised me well so i can think the way i do now.
Being a mom would be so special and fun yet so tiring, I can see it but if you guys look further in moms' eyes they would say 'it's okay, i live my life for my child' and they wouldn't mind do anything just to make their child happy.

Like i said before, having a twin will be one of my dreams, a boy and a girl, and my life would be purrfect. I would name them Keith for the boy, and Faith for the girl. Lol even to think about them bring me happiness.

So this is the reasons why i would be a good mother,
1. I will love them as much as i love cookies and cream ice cream, even more than that, it means more than i love myself bcs i love cookiesandcream more than myself.

2. I will love my child's father. And why i put this on one of the reasons? Well, they said if you love the father, you will love the child even more and more.

3. I will read them a lot of great books and tell them uhmaaazing stories, i will let them use their imagination, with me. We will fly to the sky to see the unicorns eating cotton candy while laying on the soft clouds and we will ask them for some cotton candy. Yes, kid, we will, i promise you

4. I will let them eat my food, as much as they want, and it must be someone special who i share my food with. We will eat chococake as much as we want to, dear, and not even your father can stop it, we will share everything we have.

5. I will let them use my stuffs. I will let the girl use my heels, clothes, or make-ups, someday they will use them either right?

6. We will laugh at stupid things together. I will laugh with them, even though i don't understand what they're trying to say, whatever makes them happy, it makes me happy too.

7. I will buy them a christmas,birthday, or 'i-just-wantto-buy-you-a-present' presents. There will be a lot of surprises.

8. I will sleep with them on their rough nights like when we just watch a horror movie or something, or kind of night when they just need their mommy. I will snuggle up with them and sleep with them until the morning comes.
And i will share my bed with them, they can sleep in my room anytime.

9. I will trust them. Even if they think everything seems impossible, even though i can feel it too, i will trust them no matter what.

10. I will write things about them so they can reread their childhood all over again and again. I will take a lot pictures.

11. I will be their bestestfriend. We will share secrets. They can tell me about their crush, about boy or girl, school, about their  problems, everydamnthing.

12. I will be their 'home'. I will try to dedicate myself for them, whenever they feel lonely, sad or failing i will be there even if all i can do is just snuggle up with them and telling them that everything is gonna be alright. Or i will make them a cup or two of hot chocolate.

13. I will be there for them, i promise. I will catch them, i will be right a step behind them in every step that they take, i will cheering for them when the world seems wanted them to break down.

14. I will be their biggest fan, number one supporter, i will be the one who jump the highest for them, screaming the loudest and laugh the hardest. My love will be unconditionally, unstoppable and unlimited. Even if i haven't seen them.

15. I will try my best. Seriously.

Fifteen, almost Christmas, pressure

There's so much things i want to share to this blog, is too much but right at the moment i saw this page my dumb brain said it's okay to forget them all. Well damn you too brain, damn you too.

But so far i remember, now i'm 15th, thank God, and i'm so grateful to have my kind of family that always stand up for me whenever i need them. And of course thank you for the root beer and flour that you guys have threw at me, you guys were such an amazing creatures yet so silly but still i love you guys till the moon and back.

And December is getting closer, i am so excited for all of the christmas celebrations already, and i'm going to be part of the #5000choir this year even though it will be held on Dec 7th which is the second day of my midterm, can you feel my struggle? Bytheway, i met some new friends and i'm so blessed to found them, they're so rawking lol.
Time flies. It's (almost) christmas season again, am i the only one who already got my house full of xmas ornaments? My mom is pretty excited about christmas, no wonder her daughter got it too. Our xmas tree is white this year and will be decorated with blue ornaments. Every christmas me and mom will talk about what color should we use on the tree, it could be just one color.
And i will do the same with my daughter later, it will be so much fun....

And about the pressure, whatever happens, is always right behind me.
I've just turned into 15 in a week and it feels so damn rough lol. Feels like I'm at the lowest point on my life, i miss me, the old me, the old good days. And honestly someone who told me "you can do it" are really bother me. Sometimes i just need someone to understand that there's a day that i don't feel like trying and sometimes i'm not okay, i feel too, I'm tired of being tired and they said that it's okay not to be okay, sometimes. Sometimes wise words feels like nothing to me but someone who really understands me and let me be whoever i wanted are the greatest.
This is the reason why i love sleeping, it's a win win situation, you can just forget all of your problems and everything but you're not dead tho, and not giving a damn to anything is all that i friggin need for now.

Grow Old with You - Adam Sandler lyrics

I wanna make you smile, whenever you're sad.

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.

All i wanna do is grow old with you.

I'll get your medicine, when your tummy aches.

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.

It could be so nice, growing old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you're cold.

Need you, feed you, even let ya hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink.

Put you to bed if you're had too much to drink.

Oh i could be the man who grows old with you. I wanna grow old with you♥

Let me just

There's so much things running in my head, am about to explode and give up.
And it's not me who has a lot of time to write but, i insist to have it, just not in the mood for giving a damn to math. Math exam tomorrow, and i haven't touched the books yet and it's almost midnight. Like there is gonna be the difference if i touch it or not.

I don't want to save those running thing in my head alone so here they are:
1. Why on earth math and physics are exist
2. How will i look for the next 2 years
3. Math and how sucks school is
4. Choir and christmas, i can't wait any longer, puhlease, or at least take me to friday, let us just skip thursday, or math, i don't care, but still i hate thursdays.
5. If only i can play keyboard or piano and have a good voice, life would be more fun
6. You guys can stay mad with me, whatever the problem is, you can just leave me and make fun of me, but you guys please do not ever ever ever yell at me, scream and use a not so great tune on me, am not gonna mad at you, i don't care, as long as you don't yell at my face, or well bye, even  the nicest people have limits dude. And I'm not the nicest people.
7. I think i can't go to school anymore, there's so much drama and mean people, always-mad person, oh well yea everything in school just pissed me off nicely.
8. Why am i a girl, i don't like them tbh
9. Math again, how can i survive, how to be a good math person that i know i am not and never will?
10. Can life be easier or something?
11. Im not good at anything i guess, i wish i was
12. Great books that i haven't done, i just don't have enough time and sleep
13. Maybe i would just give up, i don't know, i could just write books maybe, but i always wanted to be a doctor, seriously it is killing me, math sucks but they need it to be a doctor, or at least that's what to world know
14. Life would be perfect if you get through all of these hard times with the perfect guy, and growing old with him.
15. Things gonna be okay the way it used to be, right?
16 until 50. Math

Novemburr

Finally i have a chance to write on this blog.
Happy Novemburr guys, i wish you every happiness on this blessed month. It means rainy season, an additional point to be happy about. A comfy bed, a cup of tea or hot milk, warm blanket and good music, and don't forget about the sound of raindrops, srsly i love to hear 'em.

Well, 2013 is about to change into 2014, 2014 is 2 months away from here. And I'm about to getting old, fifteen, and well, of course, CHRISTMAS!
i learned a lot from last year, i don't want to expect a lot of things anymore, i don't want found my self disappointed on christmas day, again.

Bytheway, i've joined the 5000choir of Tiberias church this year, i think it would be fun, even the rehearsal was so great and of course i feel blessed to be part of them. The christmas celebration itself will be held on 7th december. It will be a great experience.

And just right at this very moment, I'm hating myself to let my self hate a person. I can't help it, her existences is killin me, i just can't
And why on earth, guys don't understand all of ths shits. There's like a thousand nice girls out there and why on the damn earth you choose that one? Like se-ri-ous-ly?! Now the phrase of "we're living in a world of fools" is makes sense to me.  And no it's not about the boy, i don't like him, it's just ashamed to see a good guy hanging out with a well you know what i mean. And once again I'm not jealous of them, honestly i don't want to be her even i get paid, well its just an example, but seriously, hanging out with guys is not wrong at all, its about how you behave around them and knowing the limits.
Pardon me for hating the attention seekers, they're just so annoying tbh.
Well I'm just so pissed off tonight, hope you guys are not.

Have a great november!

Daily Activs

I just did a little blogwalking and as we know it, those blogs is always inspired me to make a change on mine but i just do not know how.
Thinking about buy some books that contained craps about blogging but once again how?

And geez, I'm addicted to online shopping. I mean like, who doesn't get addicted buying things online while laying on your bed, you can get whatever that you want just using your fingers, to scroll and type and done!
I need to stop and i know that, but it's irresistable, well damn the online stores that put a picture of something cute on the instagram.
It's only 17th of October and I'm broke.

And hell yeah the results of the midterm has came out, but can we not doing this? My results are so wonderful in so many ways. It's trying to humiliating me, and I'm all like, "why can't we be friends, math?" Well at least my mandarinese was good, but who the hell cares about this pinyin and hanzi bullcraps? I want to be a doctor, so what should i do with a good score of speaking mandarinese?

I am trying to fit my self in. That's all i able to say. I know my kind of 'trying' is not good enough, but Thank God i have my second chance, i have another 3 months to prove it. Im just hoping that i can do a better job at school from now on. It will take a hard-work. It won't come easy. But i know it worth to fight for.

Well, I'm on that part of life when things is going hard but i kinda enjoy them, so hope people out there get their happiness that i believe belongs to them who is understand how to enjoy things even though they're not enjoyable.

And btw, can someone kick all of the attention-seeker-whores out of the world? sorry not sorry. And ugh girls, a big ugh, you guys need to stop to trying get that attention that doesn't belong to you. Stop being cheap. Why am i a girl?!

Oldies

There's some kind of song that stops me with everything i was doing and start to thinking what is the right moment to hear that song

Like, its too sweet to think if someone sing you the 'save the last dance for me' from Sinatra or 'wonderful tonight' by Clapton on your promnight or maybe wedding day, isn't it girls? or its just me idk

And boys, you guys should really proud if someone sing you the 'true love' by pink, "you're an asshole but i love you". There's a lot of song that should be singing to a girl to tell them how beautiful and special they are, but unfortunately that kind of song always first heard by girls, so all they do is just wondering if someone could sing that song for her meanwhile the boys listening to the'scream as loud as you can and who cares about the lyric' songs. 

So its always touched me if i see a boy holding a guitar and sing a song that no one would really know about it, an old song, bcs seriously oldies songs are the greatest one.

The Beatles, Rod Stewart, Richard Marx, Brian Mcknight, Eric Clapton, The Carpenters, Bee Gees, Phil Collins, and sometimes MYMP they're always been my favs. All recommended.

rêves

I have a lot of dreams, like really a lot of dreams......
I want to be a doctor
i want to be a good writer, maybe a guitarist
i want to be a traveler
i want to build my own house, i want to design my own room
i want to have my own pug
i want to go to NYC and France
i want to laying down in grass looking upon the stars with people who i care the most
i want to have a twin (a boy and a girl) someday
i want to be a great short movie maker
i want to record my whole life with my camera
i want to make a journal about my life so i can reread it all over again whenever i want to
i want someone to sing with me on top of our lungs and not giving a damn about how terrible our voice are
i want to be a designer and design my child clothes
i want to make a lot of great books, a funny one
i want to be great at cooking
i want to have a special room in my house in the future just like a home theater but the greatest one
i want to have my own library
i want to go somewhere that i've never been there
i want to touch the clouds, it looks funny but grumpy, seriously some of them just look grumpy
i want a friendship just like on the how i met your mother series
i want a guy bestfriend just like on the jane by design series
i want to see the unseen things
i want to celebrate new year on the beach
i want to celebrate new year on the road, screaming at people that i don't know and just wave and smile
i want everyone in my life to be happy
i want to be good at maths
i want to have a tree house
i want to hear someone singing on the beach with a guitar
i want to dedicate my life just to my family in the future
i want to be a super mom! just like mine
i want my kids to be my bestfriends
i want to see my kid at a concert or somewhere their passions are
i want to hold a penguin and a baby bear
i want to drive away in the middle of soft rain and well yea in the night
i want a journey
i want to live till i see my child has made it and happy
i want to travel around the world with my bestfriends
i want to have my secret closet or secret room
i want to have my own pattiserie or cafe or restaurant, a vintage one
i just want to be okay
i dont want my life to bea picture of perfection, a problem will make someone stronger, i just want to be happy

How can I

I am so sorry if me and my life is not as good as it must be, so you guys wondering who is this ungrateful girl who didn't know how to live her life and just complaining about it.

I'd really love my life, i love every little thing about it, but it takes time, it takes time for me to learn and to accept and love those every little things, they were just like a sticky-hard-to-swallow-chocolate candies, its hard to enjoy it but in the end you still love them tho, its something that can't be resisted.

And it is true that now i'm in the middle of something called getting out of my comfort zone, and its also true that life begins in the end of your comfort zone. And honestly i don't know what to do and where life gonna take me, and sometimes i'm just tired of being me, its not because i don't know how to be grateful for who i am, i am just really tired for being me and failed for the damn times. People who laugh most of the time might be not as happy as you see. You may say that i'm in the phrase of failing, and i don't how and when i can get back up again, all i can see now is just, how failed i am for being me. And its all on me.
So is it okay for not being okay right? Is it okay for not in the mood for talking to people? Is it wrong if i'm scared to fail again so i don't want something more, i just want to be okay again, i want to be me again.
Sometimes i lose it all, i lose my willing to change and im all like, maybe this is how i gonna live my life for the rest of it, and sometimes i hate my self and thinking "where the f is that girl who always wanted to be a doctor and a good writer?".

And about people, i just can't giving any damn to them who is not respecting me, like why would i care about someone who is not even want me in his life.

Now i know, life is all about and a big 'How?'
How you can do this, how can you do that?
How you can make it?
How you make things work?
How you talk, walk, smile,cry, and breath?
How people think about you? (its true, admit it, you always think about what everyone else thinking about u)
And how to live it? how to get back to the race? how to get yourself on the right track? how to not fail again? and its about how your looks.

But still something worth won't come easy, isn't it? Beside that, i always know that i always have someone to give me a hand if i found myself fail again, i know He will walk me through this, i know He won't let me fail in the future, so He has set it perfectly, but first i must know how it feels to fail, so i can laugh at myself later, i know i will be okay, but not today:'))


And if ever i found my self lose it all again, i will read this, and it always makes me feel better,

You may say, "I can't do this" but if you know him you will say, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13)

You may say, "no one loves me" but He will say, "I love You. God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."(John 3:16) 

You may say, "I'm tired" and He will say, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28) 

You may say, "i'm scared" and his words has said it all, "God has not given us a spirit of fear." (2timothy 1:7) 

And you may say, "i feel like im all alone", and He will say, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews13:5)

How I Wish

3 damn months left before 2014. Am i the only one who just realized that i've spent 11 months doing absolutely nothing like just breathing and suddenly its already october?
Sometimes i wonder if world really has something wrong like time flying too fast, its not even feels like 24hours a day, it feels like 15hours or something.
Maybe world has something wrong with the time just like the last spykids movie, i imagine well,kay

And my whole life is kinda of starting to hate me or what, it just made everything set perfectly to beat me up.
and i'm all like, 'can we not doing this' and 'please tell me this is not happening' the whole time, am beaten up. Can somebody just pick me up and take me to NY or New Zealand, or Afrika that no one knows me so i just could restart everything, nah idc

Sometimes i lost my faith to keep my self straight to my dreams, and all i wanna do is going back to my childhood when everything was okay and i know that it will always be okay.
But, nah, right now, all i know is that am not gonna ended up well if am not doing  this with an extra-super-greatways. So what the heck should i do then?

Anywaysssss, my mid-term is on this saturday, i have to say that am not ready yet, but who effin cares, so saturday it is.
Now my life is a big,"huh?" and a beautiful mess. Do not grow up is a trap.
For the damn times , HOW I WISH I'D NEVER GROWN UP


bytheway the playlist is new, randomized playlist. Those songs are my playlist for like this 2 weeks. hope you guys have a great days ahead.

True Love - Pink lyrics

Sometimes i hate every single stupid word you say

Sometimes i wanna slap you in your whole face.

There's no one quite like you,

you push all my buttons down. 

I know life would suck without you.

At the same time, i wanna hug you, i wanna wrap my hands around your neck

you're an asshole, but i love you.

And you make me mad i ask myself,

why am i still here or where could i go,

You're the only love i've ever known.

But i hate you, i really hate you, so much

I think it must be true love, true love, it must be true love

Nothing else can break my heart like true love, true love

it must be true love, no one else can break my heart like you

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings,

just once please try to not to be so mean.

Repeat after me now, R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E

Come on i'll say it slowly, you can do it baby.

At the same time, i wanna hug you, i wanna wrap my hands around your neck

you're an asshole, but i love you.

And you make me so mad i ask myself,

why am i still here or where could i go,

You're the only love i've ever known.

But i hate you, i really hate you, so much

I think it must be true love, true love, it must be true love

Nothing else can break my heart like true love, true love

it must be true love, no one else can break my heart like you.

Why do you rub me up the wrong way,

Why do you say the things that you say.

Sometimes i wonder how we ever came to be,

but without you i'm incomplete.

I think it must be true love, true love, it must be true love

Nothing else can break my heart like true love, true love

it must be true love, no one else can break my heart like you

seriously in love with this song, its just that sweet.

Second week of sept it is

And its already 9th of September, people! How is it even possible
Have done my character building program a couple days ago, and thank God its all has been finished, worth to fight, it is hard of course it feels like am staying in a military camp or something but it is worth it.
I've learned so many things, most of all, i've learned about appreciate things, even the smallest thing.
Even a 'thankyou' is meaning a world to some people, or maybe just a simple hello and a warm-smile, it could bring us happiness and we will be also appreciated by them.
I just realized that life would be so simple if everyone understand the idea,
'do not friggin do it if you don't want people did the same thing to you.'


Mid-test is on its way, and math still being math, still can't find how to deal with this thing, and yep don't forget physics, it is a little deathly germ.

And it seems that i will not be available to post things in this blog as much as i did 2 or  3 months ago, time is gold they said and it is friggin true.
An hour to sleep is mean a world to us. Seriously.
I want a long vacation, i need it, i desperately need it.

Distance

I am so stressed about everything. Call me over-thinking, maybe i really do.

And these hard times make me thinking about the past, how nice things could've been, how much i missed it and of course them, yes, i miss them with every single piece of my heart.
Hv you ever feel those feeling when you miss someone so damn much till it hurts? and all you wanna do just run into that person and hug him or her?

I mean like, they used to be my home, i used to face the 'i know i'm going to do something that i don't like but that's all fine, am gonna do it with them anyway' times and now its all gone, hard times feels even harder.
screw that line 'nothing can separate us.' The fact is distance just did.
Not the real 'distance', the fact is we're all still in the same place, we're all still breath with the same air, but we just can't do whatever we like,
its sad to think about that we still do the same thing in the morning as we always do in the past, talk about how not ready you are to get up in the morning, we shared the same feelings, we're all about to do things that we don't like BUT, separately. We do go to school every morning, in the same time, but, we're all in a different track now, things that you need to face and i need to face now is completely different.

I miss those feeling, the happiness that once i felt when i knew that there's still the next day, a chance to love and being loved by them.
I miss those random talks about the future that we used to talk about, how we're all gonna be when we graduated from higschool and which university you want to take and so on.
I miss those random talks about shitty things like math, physics, and all the subjects.
I miss those time when we shared the same hard times
and of course I miss it, when we're all finally made it in the end♥

You're on your way, and i'm on my way either. But i can't see you anymore like i used to
Some things better be just the way they are, like, please do not ever change.
i hate the fact that everything needs to change. screw that line. i love things just the way it is, even the imperfect ones, i wish i'd never grown up

Indonesia's Independence Day

I've to say that its a latepost, its already Aug18th but still,

Happy Independence Day for my beloved Indonesia! Its been 68years! how cool is that? Feeling old yet? Hope for the best in the future, i am totally into you, and i am so proud to be one of a million Indonesian, i am a hundred percent Indonesian<3

Seperti 9 tahun sebelumnya, 17 agustus itu selalu upacara, dan tahun ini agak beda dengan 3 tahun terakhir, okay bahkan 9 tahun itu sendiri. Ceritanya tahun ini sekolah mengadakan upacara satu yayasan, iya satu yayasan, jadi begitulah dari yang masih imut-imut sampai bangkotan digabungin di satu lapangan untuk upacara, satu-satunya hal yang bisa kita lakuin secara langsung dan bersamaan dan bisa dibilang gamblang untuk menghormati jasanya pahlawan kita sampai kita sendiri bisa berdiri disini, kenapa dibilang gamblang? Karna bisa dibilang ini bukan kemauan hati semuanya, ini emang kewajiban sekolah, ya harus ditaati.

Gue sendiri sih biasa-biasa aja, ya ayo-ayo saja. Tapi lain kata lain hati, gue enjoy upacaranya, gangguannya cuma panas aja, tapi gue tumben sekali mikir, 

"Gimana rasanya berdiri 68tahun yang lalu dan menyaksikan secara langsung teks proklamasi dibacakan secara langsung, dan bisa merasakan kebebasan untuk berdiri tegak di negara kita sendiri, melihat bendera Merah-Putih dikibarkan pertama kali bersamaan dengan kata kemerdekaan itu sendiri, mendengarkan Indonesia Raya yang akhirnya saat itu bisa dinyanyikan dengan hati bersyukur bisa bernafas di tanah air sendiri?" And i was like, 'that would be an epic-willneverbeforgotten-moment in a person' life':')

Panas 2jam itu ngga ada apa-apanya sama sehari penjajahan, dan bayarannya itu ribuan pulau yang sekarang bisa dinikmati setiap meter bahkan inchi-nya sama kita. 

But there's always a still,

pastinya Indonesia belom bisa dibilang merdeka sepenuhnya sampai ke detail, Indonesia baru merdeka dari garis besarnya aja dan baru merdeka dari jajahan negara lain, tapi belom berhasil bangkit dan merdeka dari masalah di dalam Indonesia-nya sendiri, dari jajahan diri sendiri, rakyatnya pun kebanyakkan begitu, bisa dibilang gue salah satunya, gue nggamau memungkiri, mental block masih terlalu banyak disana-sini;') kadang gue juga sering mengalami, padahal ini salah satu jalan yang bisa bawa kegagalan.

Life is a big unfair game, so deal with it, you need to know the strategy, to be out of the box so they'll notice, but STILL they will judge you anyway, its like nah, no matter what

Indonesia itu negara besar, punya pengaruh, kaya sama alamnya, cuma butuh orang yang tepat yang rela melakukan pekerjaan negara setulusnya, yang cinta tanah air dan mau kerja bersih untuk 'ngebersihin' negara ini dari semua coretan yang udah terlanjur kegaris.

Semua rakyat punya harapan besar sama pemimpin, petinggi atau paling ngga sama orang yang masih mampu untuk kasih perubahan besar yang menguntungkan,

harapan gue sendiri tentu aja Indonesia bisa bersih dari segala 'coretan' terlanjur itu, bisa dapet pemimpin yang tepat yang kerja sebagai 'satu individu yang mau memberhasilkan jalan-nya Indonesia, membersihkan Indonesia dan rakyatnya, tanpa membawa unsur ras dan derajat karna semua rakyat itu sama.'

Karna kita ngga butuh pemimpin kaya tapi ngga merakyat, karena gue sendiri ngerasa dengan ngerakyat, dengan mendengar langsung dan melihat langsung apa yang salah itu satu-satunya jalan, dicari apa sumbernya, langsung ke rakyatnya, dan ya, kadang pemerintah harus liat social media, justru itu adalah suara jujur rakyat, respon jujur ttg semuanya. 

So, happy birthday my dearest Indonesia, i am all yours, i will try to do my best to keep your name flying high, higher than the magnificent red and white flag, the one who brings your name, wish me luck to bring your name wherever i go, to make you proud that i'm one of yours,

I thank God for created such a wonderful place just like you, 

68years isn't it? aren't you feeling old? i hope you are not, we love you, i might be somewhere else in this world, they could just drag me out of you, they could threw me away from you, but there's a thing i know for sure, no one in this world that could take you away from me, you're the red in my blood, and the pureness in my soul, thank God for all of ths thing, for its good, for its beauty, for every single thing that made this place called Indonesia even more beautiful than it was.

Hi again, August

Time is running and it left me behind with all of these things. Hi August, honestly, you showed up too fast again this time, but its okay, i want christmas already anw

Its true that school's off for a week, but it doesn't mean that i can just laying in my bed and letting my mind going anywhere as i always do in most of my free time, there's so much homework to do, and i really mean it. This far there's like eight or nine tasks that i have to do, well kay...

Forget about all of those school thingy, i just got back from went to see The Conjuring! I think its good, and seriously am screaming like an annoyin'girl or something like that, thankyou sella and agastya for being there and scream with me, we are the best i know:')
And..........


--------------


O-My-Goodness, those things was wrote by me 5 days ago and i haven't done with it and obviously forgot to post it. So here i am, 3 days before going back to school, there's still 5 tasks to do, a hundreds pictures to upload and bunch of words to say:'))
I've to say that i had a good 2 days with my family this time, i love them even more and more, as i hate school also even more and more

Bytheway i've decided start to read a really good book, i mean the useful ones, am starting with the famous The Phantom of The Opera, is it useful? well idk
I need inspiration for my english speech, seriously am no good at all at speaking and i don't know what to talk about.

The point is, please, be nice, just be nice okay, all of you, every little details, just pls be nice, am still tired, i think tired has became one of my personality traits or something and i don't know how to handle it. So, pls.

What If I Told You

So its me, just went back from the hospital, went to see my uncle that got sick so he has to spending a few days on the hospital, get well really soon, unc!♥

It brings me so much happiness, i mean to see my whole family, not really means the whole 'whole', but they're all there, gathered in a room and based on my exp they're all don't even care when-how-or where is it they will be there to gathered as a team, laughing with each other and came with the same purpose to give a support to my unc, one of us, even if its just telling him 'get well soon' and pray for him, but that means a world.
And am so grateful to have all this kind of thing on my life, and suddenly this thought came up on my mind, 'well screw all of those pressure, what so ever what am doing, am doing it for them, am gonna beat this thing up and in the end i could make them proud to have me."

♦♦♦♦

And what is it? Why this post titled 'what if i told you'? So there's another random thoughts that popped out on my head. And this thing brings me to write all of these words,

sooooo, "What if I told you that tomorrow, when you're awake from your sleep, you gonna lose all of your memories, every single memories, and you won't be able to recognize your family, even your parents. Its just the things you've learned in school and your name that left. The rest is well, lost."

The question is, "How you gonna take this thing? what are you gonna do first?"
"One thing that you will regret if you gonna lose it, one thing that you thought that would never be forgotten"
"And who you gonna miss so bad, even if you just thinking about the idea to forget she or he or them?"

For me, even its just thinking about the idea, it seriously makes me sad, i mean, the memories itself is the thing that keep me alive, the story of my family is one of them, the fact that i will against the pressure for them....

And the thing that i will regret if it happens to me is definitely those memories of my family, when i was a little ones until now that i'm a almost15th-highschooler, and my 3 years of junior high school, i thought they will never be forgotten.
And for the secondquest, mymom, literally, and my besties, my partners in crime, this question made me having that ' i want to  meet them right now' feelings.

I've asked this questions to a few people and based on their answers, the point is the loss of the bff-goodtime-memories that will be a regret and family is the one will be missed so damn much and of course bestfriends is the second-one and a lover they said lol, or their first love, this kind of answer made my laugh:)) You can answer it for yourself, honestly, this questions and all of the idea has gave me a lot of thoughts that contained of what-how-and what if

Just wave your magicwand, use your imagination, no one knows the truth for tomorrow or the next day well no one will ever know about the future, it always been a mystery and no one can change these fact, always means forever, right? At least that's how it must be

How it feels

So this is how it feels, it feels like no one is on the same track with you, they are so hard to be found, you know that they are somewhere in this crowd, but you just don't know and you are too scared to tell people how you feels, to looking for them, you are as scared as them.
And a true friend means the world for me now, and a laughter is too worthy to be skipped, it feels so damn good if someone could make me laugh, and i can't tell you how i miss my own laughter back then in junior highschool, i mean it, and now it feels like i can't laugh without my sadness tears on my eyes, am dying of my sadness-laugh.

And the pressure, it seriously shocked me at the first time, am just trying to keep my self still hang on my first purpose to be that damn success woman, titled doctor and helping people, as i've promised to my mom and what i've said in my prayers, if someday i could make it happen. And i will do!

Nobody told me that it would be this hard, even though i know it wouldn't be easy.
Aaaaand, unfortunately, me yes me, definitely not a math-person, i wish i was, well yea i wish

The Weirdos

It is a weird world filled by weirdos, isn't it? And me, you, and all of us is one of those weirdos.
Is all in your hand, what kind of weirdo you wanted to be, "I want to be like her - him - this and that and whatsoever, or maybe i like it this way" but i guess most people living life like is all about chasing perfectness, to be that damn perfect-weirdo, one of a kind, the one and only, in your own way, and it is just that perfect.

And everybody will keep saying that nobody is perfect, well nobody is, repeat that words, nobody is perfect. And once again, it is all up to you how take this things, is about the matter of perspective, you can say that nobody is perfect, that means no one, not even a single person, is none, OR you take this thing in a 'nobody-no one means you don't have to something for everybody to be perfect, you just have to be you.' way.

Sometimes it takes time to find the right ones to made you feel perfect, even your scars, needs, looks, and drawbacks made you perfect in those eyes, those eyes who belongs to the right ones. One weirdo belongs to another weirdo and made a perfect-sparkling-things, even if it's just what they thought.

Meanwhile in somewhere else, there's this one kind of weirdos who is living his life to chase the perfection itself, he's trying to be the one and only, to be that anti-mainstream and to be where the spotlights is, but unfortunately he is doing it wrong, too many weirdos did the same thing and it became mainstream and people don't like it.

And there is that kind of weirdos who will do everything for perfection and the spotlight, even if is not a good thing, to break the rules and all of those things, we all know that kind of person, i know

And the last example is that kind of weirdos who is belive me, has thought that they're all perfect, honestly this kind is who i hate the most, like seriously,
number of exes, or who is obsessed with you is not a thing to be proud of, i guess, or maybe that's what i believe after all of this time, i wouldn't mine if you are telling me about your good scores, achievements and proud of it, well it has to be, and there's a huge chance that i will adore your intellegence, that's exactly a thing to be a step closer to the 'perfection'. Your brain will find a thousand ways to bring you to a success world. It will bring you anywhere you want to.


The thing is, i am a weirdo who is believe the second theory that i made by my self, that i don't have to be something special to be perfect, i just have to be me, yes that girl called icon, and trying my best to keep my self on the right track that lead me into the success world. And i know it won't be as easy as passing junior high school, even if it's not easy though.
But remember that i'm a weirdo, right? And a weirdo is a special thing, we won't do the mainstream thing, there's no limit for us, limitless is the word, and we enjoy doing weird things, bcs sometimes the weird ones is the good ones, the anti-maintstream ones, and once again is all about the matter of perspective, perspective is every-damn-thing.

Senior High Schooler

Am oficially a highschooler, whoop whoop!

Terimakasih Tuhan MOPD-nya sudah selesai, terimakasih juga untuk siapapun dan apapun yang sudah membantu icon selama 3 hari kemarin! Tuhan Yesus berkati lebih lagi:]

It's been 4 days and well i feel nothing, i don't know why, but am so happy that 3 days of something called MOPD is done, and believe me the harder part is coming right on, we'll see....

And am still trying to made my self believe that it won't be easy though, and i need to be prepared for this whole new thing, work friggin harder and so on

And right now, am in the middle of something called 'taking my guitar back into my hands and fingers' since i don't know when is the last time i touch this thing, and watching a bunch of videos from michael buble, ily michlbuble, seriously, and i love you even more now

Day minus 5

Dude, seriously i need that 'omg! I am a highschooler! omg omg" spirit back, i'm not really feel it recently. It's day minus 5 before the day and all am thinking about is how to live a life normally, my sleep track is screwed, like totally.

 And am sitting here breathing and installed the sims 3 expanspack, yes the Island Paradise, i can't breath, i just hope there's no more freakin errors....

A tons of luck, that is what exactly i needed, i hope for a brighter life here

And bytheway i've watched World War Z! and ouch, i adore your imagination, sir! 

So that's it for now, am gonna try to play the IslandParadise, omg

Dream-Prom

Friday, July 05, 2013. 10:58
Today is all about dreaming! Fri-dream-day♥

So this post will be about my promnight in senior higschool, less then 3 years from now on,

I want something about glamourous, modern-espanola, and carnival in an extraordinary way, to show people who we really  or who we wanted to be, to be out of the box, to prove our freedom and our hearts, to express what we want.
I want my dress look like this one, i made the design my self, don't judge i can't draw:

It's high and low skirt, and it's black, red satin and perfect, maybe 3 years from now people would say this dress old-fashioned, like that would be matter to me, i even think about the rose seriously, that sounds weird but i love it that way:))

Back to the prom, i imagined that it would be all perfect and fun, everybody participates, we hired a one or two hosts, photographers so everybody can enjoy the party, everything was set perfectly so we can just let it begin like press the 'play' button, to start the night.
The prom's set to hold at a hotel ballroom, or an auditorium, something like that, we magically turn it into a perfect place for that night, it's all dark, blue and purple, with an incredible lightings.

First thing first, we're all gathered in the lobby, to take pictures at the photo-booth, with whoever you want to. Then the music starts to play.

We're all in the ballroom now, it's standing party, so everybody start to gathering in the front of the stage, there's a table of course, everybody go find their happiness on their own but in the same kind of ways, meet their friends, taking pictures, laughing, and dancing,

Party and Bullsht by Rita Ora
Broken Hearted by Karmin, to tell someone how long you've been waiting for them, "so can we finish what we started? don't you leave me broken hearted tonight." lol, the irony
Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus is on. Bring us happiness from head to toe, everybody looks so different.

Let's skip the dinner part, and now it's time for the bands, little dance or slow dance is about to be come,

To Be With You, to remind you that it's the last chance to be honest that you're the one who wants to be with her or him

No Ordinary Love by MYMP, it is getting more blurry, some couple start to crowded the dance floor, the rest is just smiling and singing along.

Only Reminds Me of You by MYMP, to remind you all of the heartbreaks on your highschool years, how good it feels, how bad it feels and so on, how hurt love is.. "how could i ever let you go, is it too late to let you know?"

So Close by Mclauglin to bring your promdate or someone to do some littler-awkward-slow dance, that am sure will be an unforgotable moment.

And yep, now moving on and let the sadness go away, next playlist, now everybody seems like they are having their times of their lives.

Someday We'll know by New Radicals for the mellow-time closing.

Aaaaaand, We Are Young by Fun is on! The sticklights is begin to lifted up, and no, it won't ended so soon, Some Nights it's next, everybody seems so happy until it feels hurts bcs you just realized that the next day it won't be like this time anymore, we're all not the same people anymore, so many different directions has been taken.
But it's fine for a while, we're having fun,

now, it's time for your promdate' performance! Soooo excited, he performs the Michael Buble' song, Save The Last Dance for Me!!! now all things seems soo perfect to you,  he started to sing, he hold your hand and  take you to the stage, to do some salsa with him, you don't care with how he or you moves, you just laugh and do some retard salsa moves with him, and it's just that fun., how he look into your eyes when the lyrics said, "And don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you gonna be, so darling, save the last dance for me." AND, "Baby, don't you know i love you so? Can't you feel it when we touch? I will never never let you go, I love you oh so much."

Now you back to your friends, he, your promdate has one song left, It's A Beautiful Day, still Buble's song to sing. So it's on. The music brings happiness, even if about a broke-up couple, he is moved on, so it all fine in the end, to remind you the past, how your oldcrushes or exes broke your heart and now you can say, "I'm glad that you're the one that got away. It's a beautiful day."

Time Flies. Now it's the flashback time! The video's playing, you can see yourself and your friends back then, you and the others laughing, and even crying at the same time, and you don't even know how to feel, everything seems so fine and you don't want to go but you can't,


The Last Song, everybody make a circle, a huge circle, Forever Young, is begin to play, and oh you can see your friends, started to cry and laugh, the huge circle started to move and you sing along together with them, even screaming like who the hell care what it sounds like, "hoping for the best but expecting the worse" "Forever young, i want to be forever young do you really wanna  live forever, forever, forever young." ♥
And hugs, tears even kisses is not even enough to express your feelings to them, how you love them so much, how much you want to relive those moment again, forever and ever

Self-Updating

Now, Am saying hello to July.

So, it happened again, right? Time flies. I have a week left to be ready, and honestly, am not ready and am not even thinking about to be ready, so it's all like this thing called 'life' push me to a road (hardly) and i have no rights to turn back so all i gotta do is walk until the end of that road, and i don't see any chance offered so it's just happened, this thing called life is blind, deaf, and nice sometimes, it taught me things.

Well, maybe it's just me who is not ready for a new thing, so it's July and am talking about preparing my self to be ready, new and updated. 

I made a deal with my mom about us to starting a diet program, to keep us from get ill and stuffs, so she told me to do this and she will buy me a polaroid, which is nice, and right, you don't have to ask, it is accepted.

And i just sent my approval to the googleads, it told me to wait for the approval for a week or more, and i don't know how this could happened bcs well i don't really get it, i just hope that someday, you, yes you, my blog will be something useful, and yeah, me too....

My senior high-school uniforms is ready, and am kinda excited even though a little bit scared, well it feels randomly random as always, so it's fine.

And talking about some updating things, i've changed this blog theme to the old ones, it feels more accepted, based on this blog' title and so on.

And am thinking about start to study some science just to be prepared, and ohmy you can call me everything but am dying to see my polaroid, i've been waiting this moment, thanks mom♥

And i've started a new habit to drink water, in a unormally way bcs i think it's too much, till i can feel it move in my stomach, but it is a good habit, so let's do it people!:)) 

So once again, hi july-dear, i think you bring me a few special things, right?

Monster University, Now You See Me, and life

I've watched those two, and i have to say, am in love with both of them, i've been waiting for ages to see Monster University, and am happy is worth to wait. lol. I love Squishy!!!! Just wondering how great The Walt Disney is for making kids' dreams and imaginations alive and can be seen just like these days, you do have my respect since the first time i watch your movies, Sir♥

Now You See Me, well i don't know what to say, is awesooooome! Tricky, useful, it makes you happy, laugh and force you to think at the same time, recommended, it is surprised me, and unpredictable, you have to watch it! thinking about learning some magic trick, lol.

And how is life? i've decided to start learning about making an essay, need a tons of luck!

The senior high school  thing is getting closer and am about to be ready, June is about to be ended, it ended so soon, doesn't it?

Am in my way to chase my dream, i've made a dream note, too embarassing to be shown on this blog, so i'll just keep it for my self, have decided to add a new one, Get A Scholarship! for FKUI, and am trying to keep my self on the right track to keep believe that God has a bigger and greater plan for me. So that's it, that's how and i will always try to keep my self be fine! doodles

The A Post

Happy monday, pepuhls! Seems like monday is no longer terrifying, well for a while. Lol.
On the day just like this day i can say that i love monday for how strong the power of it' influences for some people, it is standing still even if nobody likes it.

It's rainy outside, dude it is June and it is rainy, k then.
My stomache is killing me as am laying down on my bed, listening to the radio, and thinking to my self why some people let go so easily, why some people moving so fast or is it just me who is hardly to move on?
Am i wrong to ask you to stay? Even if it's just for a damn day?
You're too good to let go, too sweet to forget, one of a kind, and you are you with all the weirdnesses and your perfectness, and i am me who is not willing to let you go.

"What am i supposed to do when the best part me was always you?"

And what if am the only one who is holding on and you're not?
What if i told you that i can't say my goodbye and how about 'so long'?
What if the only chance i have is to watch you leave?
What if the only thing i could do is to wait to you?
And, what if i told you that i'll be standing here?

Untitled - Maliq & D'essentials lyric

Ketika, kurasakan sudah

ada ruang dihatiku yang kau sentuh.

Dan ketika, ku sadari sudah

tak selalu indah cinta yang ada.

Mungkin memang, ku yang harus mengerti

bila ku bukan yang ingin kau miliki.

Salahku bila, kaulah yang ada dihatiku.

Adakah ku singgah di hatimu, mungkinkah kau rindukan adaku.

Adakah ku sedikit di hatimu, bila kah ku menganggu harimu, mungkin kau tak inginkan adaku.

Akankahku sedikit dihatimu

Bila memang ku yang harus mengerti,

mengapa cintamu tak dapat ku miliki.

Salahku bila kaulah yang ada dihatiku.

Kau yang ada dihatiku,

bila cinta kita takkan tercipta, ku hanya sekedar ingin tuk mengerti

Adakah diriku, oh singgah di hatimu, dan bila kah kau tahu, kaulah yang ada dihatiku

Kau yang ada dihatiku, adakah ku di hatimu

How can I tell her - Lobo lyrics

She knows when I'm lonesome, and she cries when I'm sad

She's up in the good times, she's down in the bad

Whenever I'm discouraged, she knows just what to do

But girl, she doesn't know about you.

I can tell her my troubles, she makes them all seem right

I can make up excuses not to hold her at night

We can talk of tomorrow, I'll tell her things that I want to do

But girl, how can I tell her about you.

How can I tell her about you

Girl, please tell me what to do

Everything seems right whenever I'm with you

So girl won't you tell me how to tell her about you.

How can I tell her I don't miss her whenever I'm away

How can I say it's you I think of every single night and day

But when is it easy telling someone we're through

Oh girl help me tell her about you.

How can I tell her about you

Girl, please tell me what to do

Everything seems right whenever I'm with you

So girl won't you tell me how to tell her about you

Lack of Idea

Am having such a terrible time, so there's new me who is having a lack of idea, confidence, and everything. I can say that am starting to be mean or something, that even me-myself can't understand.

Thinking about the healthy life thingy, based on how my eyes completely looks like right now, I NEED IT. Well for a while let's look to the positive, am looking like one of the Cullens, except that my whole eyeball is red. Nice.
It's sooooo friggin uncomfortable, all i wanna do is touch it and take it out from my head.

Basically all i can do is start to get a good sleep, for 8 hours. Wake up at well at least 9am to have some breakfast instead of wake up at 11.30am and having well i don't know maybe breakfast or lunch, brunch, or lunchbreak, whatever it is.

And i don't know what to do with my life......
Well, anw my eye is having it trouble so, for now, am good if i have to stay at home.
Sims 3 is good anyway:)

Dear Magnif17

We did it, didn't we?
Thank you for the 8hours prom-night that we spent together, i had the time of my life, thank you for having me and of course, congratulations guys! For everything, graduation and all of the achievements that you guys have achieved.
Thank you for 'the most amazing 3 years of Junior High School you guys gave me'. It's a pleasure to meet y'all and being part of you guys. Am so proud to say that am one of magnificenta17♥

It's all started from 2010, 3 days of something called 'MOS' looool=)) am laughing so hard at my self, back then.
7th grade, nobody understand what is happening and it's just happened. The time when we're all hated the friday's activity, the scout things. We would do anything to escape, but we just can't. Outing Class when we're all started know each other, having some kind of friendship, and it's just that hard to move on.
8th grade, it started with everyone complaining about the class, and i have to say that am one of them. Study tour, Marsudijogja! I can't tell you how much i miss the old days, especially my bestfriend Dwita that moved to jogja, she left on the night we're leaving Jogja, and i still remember that night when we're crying and hugging each other, and promise to each other that someday we will meet again. Studytour changed it all, we had a good time with our own classes, the friendship thing started to happen. In the end of the year, it is hard to moving on, again.
9th grade, i must say that we're all grown up in some case here. The National Examination is the first target to deal with. And the prom night! I can still feel the euphoria! And don't forget the graduation, we're all did it well. Nobody gets left behind.
2 days ago, 8th June 2013. Everything is changed, for godsake, again. Nobody understands why, and no one want to ask how.
Thought if the promnight has ended, it would be that all and everything would get better. And i've never been so wrong, everything went worse than i expected. It is even harder to move on.

We're all no good at goodbyes. It was a wonderful night and i can't stop my self from hoping that the night won't ended so soon, so i can still watching you guys, with every crap or whatever you do, i mean can you tell me when is it, when is the friggin night when i can do all the same as i did that night? Can you tell me?

You guys made my juniorhighschool time, thank you so much for the precious time that y'all gave me.
And i can't tell you how sorry i am if i ever let you down or did something wrong with you guys, i feel so bad.
Even if i couldn't made a bff-friendship thing with every single person of you all, i swear that i care about all of you and am hoping the best for your future, your dreams and everything you've been dying of, we're all partners. Good luck guys! We will meet again someday, and please don't forget to remember all of the things of us, magnificenta17. What an amazing 3 years!!!!!

So long, partners!♥
I can't tell you how luck i am for having you, Magnificenta. Marsudirini [17th] generation is fabulous now and then. We are as sweet as 17th☺


P.S : Mission accomplished! Next target = Senior High School

20 Random Questions , Get to Know

Am having  such a useless fun night with all my books, blog, my new oldies playlist that i love so much and don't forget the internet, it helps me through the useless and put the fun into this night. I love you.

Well, am starting the random thoughts about getting know each other, how some people get to know each other for the first time, it would be that awkward...
And honestly there's some questions i'd like to ask for some people, lol it's funny to think how random this shut is

Let's just say it's another random questions,

1. What's your name? Do you honestly like it?
2. How old are you? And how it feels?
3. Do you like oldies, jazz, something like that? [ am not going to ask what kind of music you like, yes i'm a goddamn selfish, then what?]
4. Do you know Eric Clapton or Phil Collins [well, who doesn't], or Rod Stewart?
5. Family or someone/something that you don't wanna lose?
6. Girlfriend or selfish little liar-sister? Boyfriend or friggin annoying liar-brother?
7. What kind of game do you play?
8. How much you believe the algebra and geometry thing?
9. How much you need music in your life?
10. How weird you are?
11. How do you think about yourself?
12. Do you 'like' you?
13. Puppy or Kitten?
14. In what kind of level a person' weirdness is acceptable for you?
15. If your friend did something that embarrasing you, what you gonna do? Is 'leaving' one of your options?
16. What instrument do you play?
17. What kind of books you read?
18. What kind of thing that make you interest to talk to the people who did it?
19. What's your biggest dream?
20. If you had a chance to go to somewhere you've been dreaming of, then who you gonna take with you? And where is it?


Am having fun just from writing this post, nightynight! lol

Ps

Hi agastya. Hope you burn in hell<3

Updating

It's June. Even the word, 'June' sounds good to me. Hope you guys have a great June and summer. Unfortunately we don't have summer vacation, not even the summer thing. But a whole year is Summer here lol.

Talking about updating things, let's just say that i've updated my self into a whole new level, from a Juniorhs into Seniorhs, thank God yes, i've graduated and so on! Never thought that the word, "L U L U S" which means i did it, i've passed could brings me happiness. 

And things get better with Magnificenta17 graduated 100%, we're all in this together guys!=))

And just finished my driving course this day, i don't know if am doing well or what, still don't get my self into this thing. The trainer said that am doing not really bad, i just have to do more practice.

So, updating a new me : Checked

And honestly the only thing i want to get some updates is this blog. Just did a little blogwalking, and thinking about what the hell to write to make it interesting? Like the hell who wants to my life journal like this one, i have to do some brainstorming maybe...

And thinking about change this blog' whole theme. Most of them, sounds more acceptable. 

So, updating a new Randominded : Almost Checked, let's see

Dear people

People said that a girl is the one is taking control, which is wrong bcs in fact, we're all would be touched if someone is paying attention on us and took care of us. I guess, girls made to be loved.

And not all of us is the same, in fact some of us, well most of us, hate each other, lol the irony.
Basically we're all human, and most of us can't stand with the fact that some people is better than us. Efffh, that's sounds bad.

Maybe there's the truth that most of girls is a goddamn selfish, perhaps it's true and all that we need is someone who can made us feel like there's no one is better than us and we're the one and only. And it's true that sometime is hard to understand us, there's an absolute law that girl can't always tell people what is it and how their feelings, we don't want to be that attention seekers, unfortunately, there's always people like that, i prefer to call them cheap. srry.

And not all the girls love to do the girls things like shopping, make up, and stuffs. We're all have our own unique side that showed who is the real us.
And not all the girls who love to do girls things is a bitch, and not all the girls who is different is nice.
But the most important is our personalities, you have to get to know us first than judge.
And people, keep it on your heart that something nice and expensive is worth to wait and chase, and something cheap always get attentions.

I love to paying attention on how the other girls dressed up. Based on how i loved to watch a girls' looks, an idea came out that is not about what is the brand of the outfits that we wore, or what is the kind of the dress, is about the girl who wore it and is all about how the girl wear the outfits and the way she showing her personalities to other people, is all about how is the image that shown.

Some people get mad to a girl that wore something they said too short and shits. And with all of my heart, i disagreed. Especially for all the young girls, then when is the right time to wear that kind of dress and outfits if people keep on saying that is not appropriate to the public?

A girl dressed up for her ownself, note that.

And for all the girls, it's all depends on how you wear it and the image that shown. So the true fashion is your own invention, the other is just somebody's brand.
And the best make up is that smile you had, don't let anyone ruined your happiness and took your beautiful smile. Girls are born with a perfect beauty. And remember that you never fully dressed without a beautiful smile, and oh, that sparkling eyes full with happiness:)
And people, we're all made and born to be loved, took care of, and needy, thankyou if you already get it and done some of that thing, you deserve our love♥

Sleepover, prom and stuffs

I had a great weekend! Thanks to my girls for an amazing weekend that we spent together. Everything went so much better, and finally am starting to do something useful this time, hellyeah am starting to learn how to drive, well safely normally and by my own self, lol.

The 3 days sleepover and the girls were totally made my weekend, they're like my soulmates.

Some crazy and unormal pictures is coming right out....

And my gen' farewell party i mean the promnight is on it's way, 2 weeks to go, and a week to the announcement day! I need a great big luck

and maybe am going to do some fitting for my dress on 31th well i don't know.

Today is my first day of my driving course, everything went better than i expected, i guess. I need this, ohmy. am the only one who doesn't know how to drive a damn car in this house.

And bytheway, i've been reading a really great bookcalled Shiver, aaaand i just love it! recommended.

Blog, socmed and things on the tab, once again i miss the old days. Throwing back to everything that happened in the past and starting my thought on how things could've been. I have so much time to think, maybe too friggin' much, then i got my self tired for thinking and expecting things that won't happen.

am in the middle of uploading things on the internet and well, the internet sucks. So bye. sorry for the random thoughts.

another 20 Random Questions

Seriously got bored. So here it is

1. Do you wear makeup, if you do what kind - nope

2. Do you have a youtube account? If you do what kind of videos do you make? - Yep, and am thinking about some kind of a video diary.

3. Do you have a facebook/ twitter? - Both of them

4. Who is your favorite singer/actor? - Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Eric Clapton, Robert Downey

5. Do you have a ipod, if you do what are your top five songs on it? nope

6. What shirt are you wearing right now, and where is it from? - am wearing grey tshirt, my dad bought me from china.

7. What is your favorite color or colors? - Maroon, Dark Purple, Black

8. Do you live in a 2 story or 1 story house? - okay i don't get this one

9. Do you like to read? - owmygawd, yes!

10. Favorite store? - I don't really have one, but it must be all of the bookstores

11. Do you have pets? what kind? - A dog, Labrador.

12. How popular are you? - I can't judge my own self

13. What color hair do you have? - absolutely black and proud of it.

14. DO you like your life? - Well, most of the time, yes.

15. Last text message says? Don't forget to bring the book.

16. Do you get makeup from drugstores, if you wear it? nope.

17. Favorite sport? am no good at sports.

18. What kind pants are you wearing right now? shortpants, maybe, i don't know what is it

18. What your best friends name? well, it's too subjective.

19. Do you love like or hate life? loooove

20. Did you have fun answering these questions? kinda:)

Against All Odds lyrics

This song was sang by Phil Collins, Westlife, and lately the glee cast made a cover from this song, and am in love with blaine's voice and of course of this song.

How can I just let you walk away, 

just let you leave without a trace.

When I stand here taking every breath with you

You're the only one who really knew me at all 

How can you just walk away from me, 

when all I can do is watch you leave.

Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain, 

and even shared the tears.

You're the only one who really knew me at all

So, take a look at me now,

now there's just an empty space.

And there's nothing left here to remind me,

just the memory of your face.

Take a look at me now

now there's just an empty space.

And you coming back to me,

is against the odds and that's what i've got to face.

I wish i could just make you turn around,

turn around and see me cry.

Theres so much i need to say to you 

so many reasons why

youre the only one who really knew at all

So, take a look at me now,

now there's just an empty space.

And there's nothing left here to remind me,

just the memory of your face.

Take a look at me now, 

cause there's just an empty space. 

But to wait for you, 

well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face.

Take a good look at me now, 

cause I'll still be standing here. 

And you coming back to me is against all odds.

That's the chance I've got to take.

Take a look at me now

Sarcasm

Ini cuma beberapa pernyataan sarkasme yang lagi ada di otak gue akhir-akhir ini...

Kenapa gue lebih mendominasi tulisan di blog ini menggunakan bahasa inggris? 

Gue ngga bertujuan untuk gaya-gayaan, tujuan dasar gue pake bahasa inggris itu biar semua orang bisa baca dan ngerti arti dari postingan blog ini. Dan siapa tau ada yang berguna atau menarik.

Sorry for the grammar, anyway.

Dan saya mulai bosan sama beberapa orang di dunia maya, di social media lebih tepatnya yang ngeluh tentang apa isi dari socmed tersebut. Contohnya twitter, ada beberapa orang yang ngeluh tentang isi tweet dari orang lain, tentang sengga pedulinya mereka ttg tweet-tweet itu atau ttg the 'don't be such a dramaqueen on twitter'. Bitch pls, dari awal kita bikin twitter, kita juga udah dramatis kali, karena kenapa kita mau bikin twitter dan umbar ttg apa yang kita lagi lakuin kalo gamau disebut dramatis? Gue belajar ini dari Sonia Eryka.

Maksudnya apa tujuan-nya dari lo bikin suatu account socmed kalo akhirnya disitu lo cuma bikin orang kesel dengan status atau tweet lo? Sama aja lo ngga ada bedanya sama yang lo sindir kan? :)

Dan, long life for all the bitches, for being such a, grh sepertinya tidak ada kata-kata yang pantas menggambarkan mereka. Saya tau kalian rentan dan mudah sakit, apa lagi sakit kepala kan ya? Kasihan sekali, mau mati ya kelihatannya?:(

Terus kalian nangis ya? apakah saya harus tau kalian nangis, smp di tweet segala? di pasang lagi di insta, waaah gaul sekali.

Dan gue gak tahan sama cewe-cewe fanbase:( maaf yaa, gue ga sebut siapa loh tapi gitudeh. Menurut gue fan yang baik adalah fan yang bisa ngakuin kejelekkan idolanya, karna taruhan demi apapun gaada yang sempurna biarpun dia idola, kalo memang salah ya dibilang salah dong, kan mereka juga manusia, jangan malah yang bilang kesalahannya dibilang salah. Jangan karena idola malah kita gak bisa jadi pribadi yang baik, agresif itu nggak baik buat cewe. Orang bisa lari. Gue cewe, asli cewe tapi ngga segitunya juga kok. 

Biarpun gue gabilang kalo sengaja ngata-ngatain idola orang itu bener, tau diri juga lah ya masing-masing. 

Tapi mau sebaik apapun hal yang dilakuin, well, they will judge me anyway. Society can never be pleased. 

Am so sorry for this full of mean words post. Am just saying, but if the shoe fit then lace it up.

Cinta Brontosaurus [review]

Made by my all time favorite writer and also a comedian, Raditya Dika.

A one hundred percent Indonesian. 

Film ini salah satu film yang gue lihat sepertinya udah ditunggu-tunggu dari awal Raditya Dika ngumumin adanya film ini. Orang-orang ikutan countdown ke hari premierenya ini film, guepun nggak sabar dengan gimana sih sebenernya jadinya film ini.

Gue pernah baca bukunya, novel Cinta Brontosaurus waktu jamannya covernya masih merah dengan gambar seekor Brontosaurus dengan kepala Raditya Dika.

Waktu itu gue udah kenal sama Raditya Dika [RD] lewat 'Babi Ngesot' dan 'Kambing Jantan' yang gue udah baca duluan waktu itu, sekitar 3 atau 4 tahun yang lalu.

Ceritanya sih gue sama kakak gue cinta pada buku bacaan pertama, nggak berbeda sama orang lainnya yang jatuh hati sama buku RD mereka yang pertama kali mereka baca. Jadi setiap gue liat buku yang dibuat sama Radit pasti gue penasaran untuk beli, dan gue bener-bener suka yang Kambing Jantan. Itu  gaul, bang! *happytears*

Gue mulai penasaran deh sama segala macam hal yang menyangkutkan Raditya Dika, gue nyari dia di twitter, bacain blognya, gitu-gitudeh. Pengen banget bisa ketemu Raditya Dika tapi selalu ada halangan pas bisa ketemu dia. Dan gue mulai tertarik juga nulis blog, malah pengen kalo blog gue bisa banyak orang yang baca nantinya. Raditya Dika, Benakribo, Shitlicious itu inspirasi gue dlm ngeblog!

Balik lagi ke Cinta Brontosaurus, gue baru nonton itu 2 hari yang lalu soalnya kalo hari awal-awalnya ini film keluar rusuh sekali manusia-manusianya. Bahkan gue sampe terpesona gitu sama antusiasme orang-orang ttg film Raditya Dika, karna apa?

Karna gue ngikutin Raditya Dika dari awal-awal yang jaman-nya temen-temen gue belom tau siapa dia, Radika juga gak banyak yang tau. 

Dan setiap gue nyodorin bukunya dia pasti temen gua bakalan bilang, "ah gua ga terlalu suka buku-buku yang kaya gini, garing." setelah itu mereka bakal ketawa-ketawa dan skrg jauh lebih apdet ttg Raditya Dika daripada gua. True Story.

Menurut gue Cinta Brontosaurus itu film yang berhasil, film Indonesia manasih yang temanya komedi tapi ga melenceng ke hal aneh-aneh kaya gini? Hampir semua film komedi Indonesia dari judul aja udah aneh kan. Dan biasanya endingnya jadi sedihlah, anehlah, gajelaslaaah. Kalo ini engga, ini berhasil buat satu studio ngakak bareng-bareng tanpa unsur aneh apapun, if you know what i mean, dan lebih kerennya lagi, ini bermakna. Dan berguna dalam hal menyadarkan orang alay:')) Walaupun samar-samar tapi ini juga gue bisa nangkep beberapa unsur sindiran yang santai, lucu tapi juga tetep aja dapet tujuannya. 

Ini ngebuktiin kok kalau orang Indonesia juga bisa menghasilkan sesuatu yang lucu, menarik, bermakna dan tanpa melenceng dari kata 'lucu' dan 'komedi' itu sendiri. Raditya Dika menurut gue punya segala hal yang bisa dideskripsikan sebagai lucu yang sebenernya, dalam gayanya dia sendiri malahan. 

Am a big fan of you bang! 

Ini lebih kaya film komedi cinta dengan gaya Raditya Dika yang tetep ada moralnya juga, ada pelajarannya, daaaan ini nggak kaya film cinta yang maaf gue bilang, picisan.

Bagian yang paling gue suka itu saat-saat Edgar cerita ttg Yasmin yang hamil dan kalimat Edgar yang terakhir, "....emang sayang butuh alasan, bang?" 

Intinya, film-film kaya gini yang harusnya diperbanyak di Indonesia. Yang harusnya diwujudkan sih lebih tepatnya. Mungkin malah diluar sana anak muda Indonesia punya lebih ide lebih lagi daripada Raditya Dika tapi udah keburu males duluan karna satu dan beberapa hal. 

Kalo gua jadi produser ya gue sekali-sekali bereksperimen, maksudnya gue nyoba untuk bikin film bukan dengan tujuan uang tapi kualitas dan apa yang dibutuhkan sebenernya, pasti seru.

The Right One

I don't know what is it until the idea to write this post came up, but about the right one, am only 15(almost) and i think it's normal to have someone to picturing who is the right one i want to be mine.
Well i don't know who is it, but Keenan Pearce is one in a million, maybe.

Well, i want someone who can accept my family, especially my parents. For whatsoever it is, they are what they are and i want you to accept all of them, like, they are my priorities.
And am looking for someone who is able to accept me in every condition, i mean like i have nothing and he has nothing, and we can start all over from the nothing itself.
The most important thing is he is believe in God, give everything of he had to God, i need that kind of person to walk with me in every situation and give my faith back, to make me believe.

And all of the physically thing, well let's just take it as a bonus.

And the other important thing is, i need someone who believe my weirdnesses, and be weird-awkward with me.
I have learned about, put your heart in God's hands, and He will give it to the one who deserve it♥