Counting Blessings

December 30th, and we're all already passed Christmas and welcoming 2015 in just one day.
2014 is a bless, so much things happened, a huge change, I'm nothing like me in maybe like a year ago.
This year has changed me a lot as a person.

And to welcoming this new year, I'm thinking about a review, so what really happened in 2014 actually:
- I had an extremely a lot of good times with my friends
- I got a special gift from God (connected with the 'Friday I'm in love' post)
- Started my catechism, this is a huge from me for some reason
- I had my first sea-trip with my friends to the 1000 islands, went to snorkeling for the very first time,!
- Got to the science class and didn't have to go from my hometown
- Finally got a chance to go to Dufan with my friends, i know this is not really that special tho but it's just something that memorable
- Grandpa and Granny's 50th wedding anniversary, this is too sweet
- Ate my first 'ragey' pizza, it amazed me, really
- Made a surprises and it actually went really well
- Loosetrum!!! so glad to be one of the committees
- JJF 2014, it was amazing, too bad i can't go next year.
- Many great movies and books that has released this year, it's a blessing
- Had my 16th birthday, it was a great day tho
- Had some works on the biology lab, and it was so exciting, we do the thing such as blood test, and cut a frog's tummy hehehe and many other things
- Decorating Christmas tree for my 16th Christmas
- This is one of the huge thing, I cut my hair short, yes people, short. But not that short, i still like it and actually i like this version of my hair a lot better
- Re-watch my fav telenovela Carita de Angel!
And many more, and many more and many more, it is so much more that i couldn't even remember

In a nutshell, 2014 was wonderful and amazingly amazing, IT IS A BLESS.

Tangled

3 words will define,

I Messed Up. 

Its just that i don't feel like I've done the thing i should have done and needless to say that it bothers me so much yet i don't have anything to stick my self up.

I've been trying to get as much motivation for myself, but it doesn't feel like any of those words and thoughts encourage me. Maybe I'm just afraid about this life, where its going to take me, or anything. And i don't want to take a pity on my self, its just so pathetic.

And thinking about 'motivation', 

I'm just gonna leave it here, "Don't depend on something that breath with air, has his heart beating and has every human thing. They will hurt you eventually"

and to search for motivation, even though I said that I've been trying to search for it, these days i've realized that to get my self to be encouraged it is only ourselves and i that can make it happen. And even if the motivation you get from someone, it takes yourself to be included for sure. you have to be open-minded to take the lessons and to keep it to your mind, and when you block it out of your mind no matter how good the advice is, it will not work out.

I learned so much just by reading a lot of books. It taught me how to keep my life together and how to think in new perspective. And this is the reason why i fell in love with words rather than actions, and i know, that it would be the death of me. Words are good, but it values nothing until it's proven.

música

So, I'm on my day off because of some reason, well yea, i got a little bit sick, can't stop coughing like an old woman. Embarrassing. and it causes me to got a terrible headache and i can't do anything.

So let us take the goods, i have time to write!
And to do stuffs in this blog, I'm about to change the whole playlist.

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Talking about music.
I was scrolling down in 9gag page this morning then i found something, a pic that says "I don't know if i listen to pop music or watch a porn video," like yea there's no in between.
It pissed me off to see that most of all the music nowadays is just nothing but a fast beat, has no lyrics but still got an award. Please.
And as a fan of oldies and jazz, i would love to hear a good music from these days generation. Too bad that i can't sing or producing music the way i want to. But I'm not that blind and deaf to see what's good and what's not.

Throwing back to like 10 years ago, not so far right, the music were not so bad, it still has something that called music.
Im not saying that all of the musician nowadays got nothing to be proud of, there are a lot of them who actually have something. And i listen to them, in fact.
But the rest of them are questionable.

Im that type of person that also hear the words as well, i fall in love with words, and acoustic stuffs.
And like what we all know, 2/5 songs nowadays has nothing but inappropriate words all over the song.
Not to be mean, I'm just saying what's on my mind.

I love music and will always do, i hate silence, it so freaking loud to me.

There's a proof that musician nowadays are great, they're covering old songs. And got thousands even million views on youtube. So, what does it mean?

DON'T SLEEP AWAY this night

Its been a month since i left something in this blog page. Im just, its just, everything just didn't work out as it should be and its depressing and frustrating.
But yea, i always love to type something to be posted here.

As you guys know, I'm on my second year of senior high school, aaaaaand, it sucks *ba dum tss*
Yea, i know, people will be like, "told ya","don't be so surprised, its not that much"
i can feel so much negativity in myself, i get mad so damn easily these days, im feeling sorry.

The point is, these whole thing about 2013 curriculum is just terrible for both sides, either in our(student)s side and the teacher's side. So, why on earth we have to do this crap
I mean like, i have to be in school like 8 hours a day, you've gotta be kidding me. Give me my life back. I don't really have time to do normal thing such hanging out, or to see the outside world, there's always something to write, calculate, to be depressed of, math-physics and the other stuff that made me feel like to die in anytime.

I get panic easily everyday, and I'm so stressed out.

Even worse, people keep asking stupid questions, like you just want to hug them in their neck with a rope. Ple-asee-eeee
Don't ask stupid question if you don't wanna get hurt by the full of sarcasm-answer, except you're that stupid that you don't get it, but still, its not a reason.


This post entitled 'Don't sleep away this night' was inspired by a song that i was playing when i about to write the title.
and it feels just right because nowadays if i want to live longer, i mean, get good grades, you can't wasting your time with sleep, just don't. Like i did today.
And now in the middle of the night, I'm surfing the internet to search stuffs about those old kingdoms for my history class yet i have to study for my physics test that i know nothing about.
-One word: Exhausted.-
Happy monster day people, I'm so glad to come back.

By the way, it's Daniel Sahuleka's song, an old song so it would be one of my 'highly-recommended', one of the greatest

"Tomorrow's near, never I felt this way
Tomorrow, how empty it'll be that day
It tastes a bitter, obvious to tears that I hide
To know that you're my only light
I love you, oh I need you
Oh, yes I do 

Don't sleep away this night my baby
Please stay with me at least 'till dawn
It hurts to know another hour has gone by
And every minute is worthwhile
Oh, I love you 

How many lonely days are there waiting for me
How many seasons will flow over me
'Till the emotions make my tears run dry
At the moments I should cry
For I love you, oh I need you
Oh, yes I do 

Don't sleep away this night my baby
Please stay with me at least 'till dawn
It hurts to know another hour has gone by
And every minute is worthwhile
It makes me so afraid 

Don't sleep away this night my baby
Please stay with me at least 'till dawn
It hurts to know another hour has gone by
The reason is still I love you." 

Get-ting

Feels like its been a long time since i post something in this page, i have reasons kay,
- Wifi connection sucks
- Im so motivated to do nothing
- Those things who's been running on my mind lately couldn't  be remembered, don't you ask me why
- School is only a few days away

A break, summer-break, holiday or whatever they call it like i give a damn, is about to end, I've wasted a month, precisely, a month and you can say that i got nothing, but at least i got my room cleaned. Im so happy about it:):)


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About a week or a couple weeks ago, my dad got a call from one of our family that one of our relative, you may say, just passed away. We called her 'Oma' in Bahasa means 'Grandma' in English, her age that made her have to face the truth, even her child let her go, they believe that it is her time to go.
Maybe its the truth. When i get something like this, it always reminds me that I'm getting older, the world is getting older, well-yea people do, but it just feels more real than usual.

When i was a little, 5year-old or something, i always think how life is gonna be, how is it when the time is come, when those people who i've been calling 'grandpa-ma' have to go,  and how about those high-school years that I have to survive on, and will i become those high-school girls that looks so mature and talking about boys or stuffs like make up, fashion and all about them, how is it, what is that, what if and so on, I'm terrified, i don't want to, but
Here i am, enjoying every second of it, i do talk about boys, fashion, the latest stuffs, things have changed, of course, but I'm so sure, that those 5 year old me is still inside of me, she still wondering about the next life, she always want to know, and i tell you something, she's trying so hard to keep herself standing-still, to not to be those girls that she doesn't want to be when she was 5.

It scares me the fact that I'm getting old, for an example, i can vote in the next election, in the next 5 years, i will be officially legal in a year and few months. It might be sounds exciting for some, but the reality is terrifying.

I have to be mature and grown up someday.
But the thing is i still feel like a child, who always need her mom, loves her milk warm, cry when something doesn't feel right when she wakes up, keep dreaming something that impossible, laughing so loud and not giving a damn about what people think, makes a lot of mistakes and cry so hard at night when think about them, yet I'm so excited to be an adult.

Hol(y)day

So its finally over, my 10th grade i mean, I'm so happy that i get the class that i want so I'm on the right track right now, my work wasn't useless after all. It means i don't have to move.
Hope maketh not ashamed.
I am so blessed, loved and i just realized that i was so luck to have these all that God has given to me.

Im officially on my holiday, i just got back from the Thousand Islands, Kepulauan Pramuka, to be exact. It amazed me to know that there's still that kind of beauty in this cruel-busy-town.

I went to snorkeling, well I'm an amateur so here comes a lot of scars because of sharp corals and reefs and the other sea stuffs, and (un)lucky me, my knee touched a fire coral, well yea the thing that i know nothing about, it leaves a scar between itchy, burn and hurts, and it leaves mark like forever, i still hope it doesn't because it doesn't look good at all.
And my skin got burned, screw people who got tanned-skin and looks good because I'm not.

 It feels like argh. 

 I feel stupid, and yea its my other knee.

BUT PEOPLE, I REGRET NOTHING. It was so amazing, this trip makes me love the sea even more, there's no words to describe how amazing it feels to be in the middle of nowhere in the sea, all you can see is just water, blue, and all you can feel is just the water itself, the cold and the warmness from the sun. God is so great that He made these kind of things.

A word to describe an ocean; it is Hypnotizing.

That was a sweet escape. All i can do was saying thank you for thousand times but it doesn't feel enough. But still, I Thank You.

Cruel World

If you look further, if you try to feel more further and think even more further about the world, as a whole, its terrifying yet so beautiful, isn't it?
The Great Mother-Nature, The Earth, The World,
its beautiful like a 'lady' which means, its beautiful with all of its shapes, it embraces you with its elegance, softness, and even with all of the mysteries and the untold secrets that people would never know and the things that better be left unknown and untold, it makes people wondering in their whole life, you can say that it is unsolved, nobody knows or so sure about this thing, and you just love it with all of those confusing things.

And its all up to you that you want to consider it as a thing and try to love it or you just want to kinda put it there and not giving a damn about it, it wouldn't care at all, unless you can't see the beautifulness that it shows to people that give a damn about it.

IT IS CRUEL.
But if you try to find the reason why, here is the thing,
its just want people to live in justice, so it is spinning, sometimes you are up and in other times you are down, its trying to get used to all of the pressure

Some say that life is unfair, but it is not the life that is unfair, this cruel world is.
But you just gotta learn to accept that things not always gonna be the way you wanted them to be.
And in that case, you will have things fixing itself by the time goes on.
Its not your life that wrong, but its just you that can't accept things and try the thing you don't accept.

"The best thing that happen to a human being can happen if you just lower your expectation"

And thinking about the thing that live in this cruel world, human. I can tell you that human are the most selfish species on this world.
They just think about themselves, 'how and more how' about them, not how the other were.

-----

And talk about the cruel world, you tell me.
I swear its trying to kill me or get me down or something, seriously, it is too much for a week.
My dream, well its been 10 years, I've been keeping this thing for a damn 10 years and this world is trying to tell me to stop.
You can say that its my fault, well this country considering things with a score, repeat, score and not skill, they don't care if you're a goddamn smartass and someday your family is dying so you can't do the test good enough, you get a bad score then you will be considered as stupid.
They just giving attention to the prestige, the money they got, they just want to accept the good, and how the hell this country going to be great if they don't want to accept the not so good students?
Well good student came from a good education, am i right?

Well, ya, the point is, if i want to chase my dream, i have to move out from this town. That's the end of the story.

Cheesy Things_ Best Friend

First thing first, there's so much things happened lately and i don't really realized and aware about all of those things after all, its like I'm drunk over this past weeks or something. But one thing for sure is I'm on my final exam and i just started my "katekisasi" for this last 2 weeks.
And repeat, my final exam. Which means i've been through a year of senior high school, 1 of 3 people. Is it just me or is it really that this school year ended so fast?

-------

And I'm in the mood to talk about something deep yet I'm so frustrated about my school and the future, last week i got a question about friendship and idol, "what do you think about best friend? What are they to you?"
And talk about the cheesy things, people would answer "Best friend is someone who will always gonna be there for you"
Let make things clearer people, as for me,
bestfriend is someone who's acting like totally a jerk to you yet you still love them as much as you love your fav food and you couldn't think how your life gonna be without them.
Of course they are the one that who will gonna be there for you, but they also know when was the right time to be next to you and when was the right time to get off of your sight, they know what you needed without you to ask them first.

And no, best friend is not that kind of person that will comfort you and telling you that everything is gonna be just fine when you have a problem or make a mistake, and they are not the one that will come when you call them,
they are the one that gonna lay down with you when you're desperately crying, they're the one who will show up in your room in inappropriate times and bothering your sleep, do stuffs that people will never did with you, and they're the one who gonna tell you what you supposed to do and how to make things good and how to solve your problems, they are the one who gonna tell you where the hell your mistakes and you should fix it, and you just knew that everything is gonna be alright no need them to tell you so, its just because you have them right beside you, even their presence makes you feel good even tho what they do is just laying down and mess your room up.

And a friendship, i mean a good one, that has a word 'true' on it, is the one that shall never be broken just by a shitty things, like an issue, a girl or a boy, and even more pathetic just because what people said, i mean like, you choose them as your best friend, best-- better than the good ones, that means its your partner in crime, and you love them, and why bother with what people said?
If its a good one, it lasts forever, even if you have to live in separated places because of some reasons, but it still gonna be the way it should be.


Sorry for these cheesy thingy

Complementary, Compatible, Capsule

This might be one of the unpopular opinion about a relationship or a thing

but i think to be in a relationship or to find the right one is not about finding the same person with same personality or the same habits or a people whose think the way you think, i found it myself, is about to finding someone who's completely different with you, well not a completely, but it must be the other half of you, your another piece. And let's consider that we're all a heart or a love half-shaped, to be a perfect heart-shape you need your another piece, right?

And if you see and realize, it must be different from you, well this hard to say, you both basically just the same but somehow you both are different. Like a love-shape, if you two be put together you will be in a whole perfect heart-shape, just the way how it should be, but then again despite all of the differences if you two are put together in some kind of way, if you try, or its easier to say like you two hug each other, well then you both is just the same

like this pic that i made, lets just consider that

1. It is me and 

2. It is you, somehow we are different 

3. It is us

4. If we're being put together as one, we're both is just the same

And thar's how it should be. Imagine if the first pic is being put together with also the first, they won't make a beautiful heart shape like 1&2 did.

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Have you heard the saying about dreamers and realists?

"There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but more often than not, the opposite is true.You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well, without the dreamers they might not ever get off the ground."

and i couldn't agree more. 

Its like you two are made together as one like a capsule but you have to be born in a separated place, and you need to find your another piece. In your way of journey to find it, you might find a piece or pieces that fit with you but then again its not yours, you need to find it again, the one that belongs to you, the one that made you feel like you're home and the one who will understand your silence words when you mad, do something that you couldn't do, and the best thing of it all he or she will be the one that need you the most either, you will be the one that could do something for them that no one could. Cause you two are basically one. 

To be a compatible one then you should just fit each other in some way, you both cover each other scars, lacks, needs and so on, and of course there will be a lot of fights, is one of the term and conditions i think, if you want a happy relationship without a fight then you will got nothing in the end because if you want to reach a happy ending and the right one, you have to fight for it.

Its like him or her is your fav pain , no matter how hurt it is, it is yours and no one could take it or feel it 

the way you do.

---

Well I'm just a teenager and i knew nothing about love its just my thought. But all i know is love is a stupid, beautiful, painful and it demands to be felt just like what John Green said in one of his book. And it takes everything.
Hope that i will figure it out someday in the right way either

Heartbroken, and Lost

Well now I'm lost. Literally.
I don't know what i want anymore, i don't know what and who to hold and all i wanna do is just laying down and not to think for months.

all i know is being forced is sucks and i swear it will never brings you any good, so don't you ever try to do it with someone especially the one you loved. What is so good about being happy and being loved when the one who give you that feelings is sad and not doing it just because they want to but because they are being forced to do such things?

If it was meant to be, it will happen.

There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be like they said it would be.

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Hv you ever got your heart broke and it hurts so damn bad? Is it normal for human to feel this kind of pain? Bcs i don't know what should i do to bear the pain. Its like being punched right in your heart by someone you thought will never hurt you.
Despite the physically pain, it hurts you emotionally and never knew it could be worse than the physically-pain itself, and as always,
when i thought that it couldn't be any worse, its getting worse, i have no one visible to hold, and crying yourself to sleep is the worst feeling ever,
i miss my dad so much, i need him to walk in to my room and eat a bag of chocolate and say "you can't have it" but he will always ended up give them to me anyway.

----

Sometimes, words is not even close to 'enough'.

----

I've made a promise to myself, i will never force my kids to be something they don't when they have grew up. I will support them in every step they want to take.

----

I will never knew where life will take and give me, but hard-times like the one I'm having right now is exhausting even tho i know it builds me. but i really am just tired, it seems like no one is on the same track with me and they just disagree with all the things I'm trying to say, the world seems to be beat me down to my lowest point


instead of telling them how much it hurts me, all i can do is nothing, its a lot way more easier to hurt myself than to telling them, they won't give a damn anyway. I need a distraction. i don't want to hurt people around me but its just like they keep telling me that all i do was just hurting them. What should i do then?

An Anti-bucket List

As I'm growing older, well not so much, I'm starting to think that sometimes I'm lost, not certainly lost but there's the time that I'm feeling like "uh oh what's going on? what am i doing?" or even worse "this is not what i want" and there's the time that i wanna do something else out of daily routine.

And I'm all like, nah.

So i decided to make an anti-bucket list; things that i hope i would never do before i die, and let's start from the small things:

1. Cut my hair like a boy, or shorter than my neck. What would i do without my hair?
2. Sell my books, no matter what happen and no matter how messy my room would be. They're like my soul. Don't you dare to think about it
3. Work on something i don't want to do
4. Letting people who i love so much down, this is always gonna be the biggest fear of my life
5. Hurt someone's heart, on purpose
6. Yelling at my child in public place
7. Regretting my decision and couldn't do anything about it
8. Being a strict-unopenedheart person or even worse parents
9. Leaving my 'home' that means my family, friends and God
10. Working with math or physics

Well now i know that making an anti-bucket list is a lot more harder than to make a bucket-list or a to do list, we all know what we want, exactly,
but none of us give attention to what we should not do or forget about
You guys should try to make one, try to give myself a limit, a good ones

Dear Me in the Future

So this is a letter from me to me later in the future, that i a hundred percent believe would looking back into these old posts when got bored and smiling like an idiot when she read these thing all over again.

So first thing first, hi me!
Hope you make it, how's our life? let me guess, things work themselves out right? Are you okay? Maybe they didn't work out the way we expected how they must be, but can you think something better? Are you happy? Well, you have to be, it is the most important thing, isn't it?
Are they still there? I hope so. Who hold your hands now? How many friends did we made?
15years-old you a.k.a me, has so many questions about everything mostly about the future.
Do i have to worry about it? What should I do? Am i gonna regret something?

And despite my worries about the future,
are you still the same person with the person who write these words over here? Well, I'm not fully hope that you are and at the same time i hope you are. Please keep the good things from us and change the not-so-good things about us.
Hope you are not as insecure as you are now, it frustrates me, well, you know how it feels
Hope you are not so hard to talk to again, and stop being a damn-headstrong, you should listen to them sometimes to see the way.
Hope you make a good friends and get along with them.
How is the great big family? Please keep in touch with them, make them your top priorities. Take care of them all, please, you know that they loved you and I'm sure they are.
Get it all together, you will be just fine, please prove me that I'm wrong that i don't have to worry about it. God is always on our side, right?
And oh, i hope you still read your bible daily, don't you ever forget about Him. I bet there is a lot of changes on every little things. And hope its a good thing.

I just want to remind you, or us, that whoever you are today exactly at the moment you read this thing, its all because them, they loved you so much, and you owe them for the rest of your life, its your job to love them back without any limits, and to help them, take care of them, and be grateful because of them.

Read good books, make your own library in your dream house with him. Well i don't know who is the 'him' now but i believe it has been set perfectly by God. Hope you enjoy every little details of your life which means also my life, its ours.

Im enjoying my time now, God be with us<3

All of Me - John Legend lyrics

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in, and you kicking me out

You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down

What's going on in that beautiful mind

I'm on your magical mystery ride

And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water

But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

How many times do I have to tell you

Even when you're crying you're beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood

You're my downfall, you're my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

My head's under water

But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

Give me all of you

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts

Risking it all, though it's hard

'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

Friday, I'm in love

It was friday, i just got back from hospital and i was so tired , and i was watching my most fav tv shows, Glee and i was so happy.

And he was there, sitting in silence beside of me while i was laughing and smiling because of Kurt Hummel, after all, i just don't know what to do, he seemed so quiet and i didn't know what's going on with him, and unfortunately I'm an insecure and a girl at the same time, so I'm just like enjoying my glee-time and i didn't have the courage to ask him what is wrong or anything. I was afraid it has nothing to do with me and i didn't want to bother him or anything with my weird questions, but yep i was wrong.

It was me. It was me that made him seemed so quiet.

'Can I tell you something?', he asked

He grabbed and held my hand so tight, i can still feel it, it was cold, and goddammit i couldn't help it, I was smiling like a happy 5years-old when she was being promised to go to the disneyland.

And oh please, I'm not that weird tho, I'm not gonna share the whole detail but, 

'.....you knew it, right? So?' he said, in the end.

And yes, i said yes.

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"Let it be like they said it would be, me loving you girl, and you loving me
Am I unwise to open up your eyes to love me?

Run to me, whenever you're lonely. Run to me, if you need a shoulder. Now and then, you need someone older. Darling, you run to me" 

Its a lyric from the song that he sang that night to me. 

Thank you for asking dear.

And, the best thing of it all, it was him, he's my best friend. We've known each other for years. 

March is a blessing, my mom's operation went well, and hope she will be recovered soon.

Even tho im in my mid-term and its driving me like crazy but, still, Im in love

Wake Me Up When It's all Over

For seriously, I'm so tired of every single thing about school.
I need a 'plot twist'
I need a break
I need to breath
And we need to stop.

im so tired of people. I swear if puppy could talk i wouldn't make human friends ever again. Im tired of failing. I hate the fact that Im disappointing for some people. and I'm tired of being hurt, well i don't mean to give a damn with what people trying to say, but it just happened.

I'm getting tired of my own self.

School has took most of my precious time and life.

March started in a smooth-nice-not so amazing way, I went to the Java Jazz Festival 2014 on the second day and like we all know, it was awesomely awesome! Can't wait for the next JJFestival.

And for God sake, its almost 2am in the morning for seriously?!

Happy March people!

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You may call a girl selfish, call it what you want.
But i found it myself that 'to make a move', 'to speak for yourself', and to 'tell people how you feel' is really hard.
And unfortunately, we knew exactly what we want, who we want, or how we feel but we just too scared to show them all.
I don't know if it is just me or something but no, i cannot and i don't think that i will start a conversation first. And you know why? Its just simply because feeling unwanted doesn't feel great, people. It doesn't feel great at all.
You may kill me for being insecure, shy or something and i wouldn't mention it if you don't do it first.

And I might be dying wanting to talk to you and would do everything just to hear your voice but still I'm not gonna text you or call you first, I'm feeling like I'm annoying and you don't want to talk to me, yet I'm so friggin miss you and want to see you.

And I'm scared that the fact i fall too easily, once i get attached, i do it whole-heartedly and it would be so hard to let go and it would be so easy to people for break my heart. So, i keep myself on the safe-track, I'm trying to conceal it, like all the time. Act like I'm okay, well i might be okay but I'm not fine at all.

So, all that I'm wishing for is, you guys, people who recently taking part in my life, please do not get tired of me, even tho sometimes I'm tired of my own self.

And maybe you can't see it from myself, you may not think that i give a damn for you but in fact, i do, i really do care about you, you may not think that I'm dying to talk to you, but let me tell you, i always do. And it breaks me to know that you don't know how i really feel, it is hard for me to show it.

I just want you to know that you are always loved, and they said, the greatest thing of it all is to see and to hope your most precious one is happy, with or without you.

One Last Cry - Brian Mcknight lyrics

My shattered dreams and broken heart

Are mending on the shelf

I saw you holding hands

Standing close to someone else

Now I sit all alone

Wishing all my feelings was gone

I gave my best to you

Nothing for me to do

But have one last cry

One last cry

Before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind this time

Stop living a lie

I guess I'm down to my last cry

I was here

You were there

Guess we never could agree

While the sun shines on you

I need some love to rain on me

Still I sit all alone

Wishing all my feelings was gone

Gotta get over you

Nothing for me to do

But have one last cry

One last cry

Before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind

For the very last time

Stop living a lie

I know I gotta be strong

Cause round me life goes on and on

And on, And on ....

One last cry

Before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind

For the very last time

Been living a lie

I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down

I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down...

To my last cry

Being Grateful

I've been thinking about this thing lately, what it is  really about to be grateful in every thing that happen.
We all have to admit it that it is the hardest thing to do yet the most important thing to do.

But based on what happened on my life before, being grateful can't be wrong, no, never. No one knows what will happen to our lives in the future, i mean like who knows if our problems today will be our strength later?
God knows what will be our best, but none of us know.
And if you look further, there is so many things to be grateful for like now, I'm so blessed and grateful for anyone who can makes me smile and laugh, anyone who makes me happy, whoever they are.

It's a nice thing to do tho, it feels nice to give a little thing an attention,
a deep-breath from free air, a smile, laughter, happy-tears, scars that makes you better human being,
friends, they who love you, they who has been there, they who you love, your fav places, trees that so looks so green and so many other things include your problems that believe me, will bring something good very soon, you will never know, it could be a year from now, maybe two, or a week, His time is never wrong, it has been set perfectly.
And if i let my self over thinking about things it will kill me real quick, and like i said before i just want to be happy and being grateful is a big part of happiness.

And what i believe is, what ever happen in high school, it builds me into something better not the otherwise i hope, and this is the right moment to learn how to take things better than before and deal with all of those bullshits without get carried away, how to be 'unselfish' and think about the other, giving your heart for what you want or your purpose, how to be classy not trashy, how to be an openminded person and so on.

Am so thankful for every single problem that God had gave to me, it might be hard but He knows it would be the best for me in the end.
It builds me.

Day 10: A letter

Dear you guys who have broke my heart or tearing me apart or make me feel like want to throw something at your face,

first thing first is thank you, maybe if you didn't do the thing that you have done to me, maybe someone else will and it will all be just the same. And i wouldn't be the person who i am today without those scars and things that made me realize that life isn't always go the way that i want it to be. But in the end, it turned out to be a lot way more better. 

And life is not a real life if it doesn't have something hard, problems and troubles on it, rite?

So, seriously, thank you guys, you made me understand things that i didn't have clue about before.

Even tho sometimes i wonder, why?

Why you did that? Doesn't it bother you to know that someone is feeling insecure or sad because of you? Doesn't it bother you to know that you had let someone down? Or maybe are you guys okay with the ideas that you has lost someone's trust? Bcs for me is no, not at all. You call it what you want but i take some thing for serious. Even tho I'm trying to not to care, I'm still trying and it is the hardest thing to do, kay 

And, why some people is so goddamn-selfish? What is wrong with you? with us? Why you have to be so mean? Why you don't stop thinking your self as a victim?

Why so complicated and why are we not together sharing pizza or something?

Why fight?

Why we have to talk about each other behind each other backs?

I know that we have made things clear. But have you ever heard about, sorry doesn't mean something when trust is already broken?

We might be okay but we are not fine at all. And i guess it safe to say that i don't need you and people like you, and maybe you thought the same too, and it is alright with me, and it would be easier for all of us to be honest. And of course, i accept your apology and I'm so sorry too, but admit it, once a glass is broken, it will never be the same again, isn't it? And it doesn't care how much sorry you say, things will never be the same anymore.

Well, bytheway, thank you for causing me having 'trust issues' and i found myself hardly to believe in people again. 90% of people failed because they believed in a wrong person or something, so I'm just gonna put my trust on God. For it is written that Hope maketh not ashamed. People who believe and have faith will never be disappointed.

All i can do is just hope that what we've been through would bring something good in our life. A good impacts in the end. So well, you guys on your own or whatsoever, and I'm on mine. 

Once again, I'm sorry if i ever made a mistake. And thanks for you guys who had let me down, now I'm getting back up again, and even higher than before

Day 9: The last time I cried

I know guys, i know
My whole life is a mess. This 10 blog challenge is an example. it should be only for 10 days but now we are here, 4th of February. I am so tired of all of those high-school drama. What the hell is wrong with you people, don't you get tired or something?

So for the (not so) 9th day: When was the last time you cried?
Honestly, i can't exactly remember it but maybe it was a few days ago. And no, it's not really because I'm broken-hearted or something, i was just mad, no, i was so mad, and i couldn't express it straight to the person, and well, it's just a big ugh and i was so disappointed, disappointed by a someone you thought would never did is one of the worst feelings in the world.
I didn't mean to cry, but i can't help it and i didn't expect even realize it. I was just so mad, I'm feeling like i want to throw a brick into someone face and yelling at that face and have so much win but i know it is illegal and i don't want a new problem. So my damn tears is falling without any permission, well damn you.

And I'm not saying that I'm clearly don't have any fault. i did something bad and now I regret it with all of my heart. And those were a long time ago, i realized that what i did was so bad and i don't want to do it anymore so i've been trying for like this past few months. I am so sorry, like i said before, i regret it and i know that it was bad. You have your rights, you can do whatever you want to do, even if it means to hate me. Well and 'hate' is a mean and a strong word, isn't it?

Maybe I'm just tired. Tired for being involved to drama that i didn't expect to take a part into them. I just want to live my life happily and get a good grades, is that too much to ask for?
Well, maybe all of these thing is just a thing that 'made' me. Someday i will look back into these kind of time and be grateful.
But being grateful for now seems to be the hardest thing to do.
I'm trying to not to care, i don't need this kind of negativity in my life.

Thank you for anyone who has took a part. Whatever it is. It will build my character, whoever i would be later in the future, it will be all because of you guys.

and, yea i don't know high-school could be this messed up. They said high school was the best time of all and i can't see it, maybe not yet.
And whatever happens in high-school, it builds you. So it doesn't really matter what the problem is but this is about how you take it and how you deal with it, it will show you how and who you are. Don't take it too personally, it will kill you.
Take the good thing, learn from it, do not get your self carried away with those people, throw away the negativity, look up for a really good friends, for seriously, once a preacher in my church said "show me your friends and i can show you your future. A good friend brings you good, and vice versa" , so go get a good friends.
We're all have started to grow up. Now we're old enough to understand yet we are not mature enough to do it. So use your time to be kind to other people, you don't know what they have been through.

In my whole life I'm living my life carefully because i believe this phrase,
Do not ever break someone's trust. And you, do not ever make someone disappointed, even worse don't you ever make someone cry because of you. You do not.
Karma is a deathly biatch, don't you know that?

Day 8: Perfect Wedding

Every girl in the world want it to be perfect, i guarantee you. Even a little girl knew it, they use their imagination to set everything perfectly on their mind, how they want it to be later in the future.

A perfect wedding. Let us think about it a little bit further

Well it must be held with absolutely the right one, the right guy, who i surely do understand the reason why i choose him and why i want him, well he must be a gift, a special gift from God to me

I want it to be simple yet so amazing, unforgettable on its own way, i want it to be the day that we share the love that we have, not just 'the day that i say i do'.
Pastel colors will be great, or maybe gold and red, or carnival for the theme. Sometimes i really do think about something weird like throw a wedding party in an unique theme like carnival or fairytale or something like all of those thing, you get it?
And i want to feel like a princess just for one day, and he will be the prince of course, we will do the slow-dance all night long instead of shaking hands and smile and waving to the guests. We will have fun together. And i want him to sing a special song, it doesn't have to be a love-song, it could be our favorite or maybe it has our inside joke, well i know its too mainstream

Getting married in a white-sanded beach would be amazing, but once again, it doesn't matter where is it, as long as I'm with the right guy.
I don't want a crown with diamonds or a tiara, wild-flowers on my head would be nice.
And i want to walk to the isle with a really good backsound and please not an organ, it sounds like death-people and black. A band or an acoustic will be okay, and we will make a playlist for that day! I'm begging you my future, please have a good music-taste

And i want a lot of flowers with pastel color for the decorate and for the guests to take home. And a lot of sweet-treats of course, cupcakes with cute things on it, apple-candies, chocolate and a lot more of sweet things to show them how nice our love is, how sweet the day must be

And i want to decorate the place with a lot of pictures of memories between me and him, me and my friends, he and his, families, childhood, our first date and stuffs like that

And of course, my kind of perfect wedding is the one who has the whole family and God's blessings on it.
You might found all of these thing sounds cheesy but you guys should try it, playing with your imagination is the best thing a human could do in the end of the day besides be grateful for every little thing.

Day 7 : Perfect Date

My kind of ideal perfect date would be weird because I'm that type of girl who prefer mcdonalds than an expensive restaurant.
Maybe my kind of perfect day would be, well i can't decide which is the best one so here it is:
1. A day spent with that guy without trying to be comfortable, we will get lost to somewhere we don't know, taking a lot of weird pictures, do absurd things in public, eat lunch and dinner when we started to feel hungry and we don't care where it is, we will be using train, i don't know why but i like it.

2. Movie marathon in a snuggle weather, we can watch a lot of movies till i got bored to death, eat a lot of chocolate, chips and soft drinks. And then we can cook lunch together and have lunch while watching the movies. And we could talk about a lot of nonsense things too

3. Unexpected date, it's like, "i miss you, can you pick me up?" and then we could hanging out together, doing nothing or just eat in a restaurant and talk for hours.

4. Going to beach, well i know its kinda shitty but, i want to know what is it feels like, don't judge

Maybe that's all, i don't want a lot from guys, because till now i believe that if i found the right guy, i don't need an amazing date or something like that, as long as i know that I'm loved and i love him, that would be just fine and we don't have to try to make things work out.

And of course giving me my favorite food is purrrrrfect. Give me my fav one and i will love you forever.

Day 6: Something that I miss

I miss a lot of things.
I miss those good old days back in my childhood. Yes, most of all, I miss my childhood.
I miss it when every damn thing is alright and i have nothing to worry about, i miss those days when i cried for unnecessary things like my brother took my blanket or it's just because my mom leave without told me a thing.
I miss being a careless kid who doesn't care about how good i look, and we're all friends, and i could be anything i want without being judged. Like, look at things nowadays, its like whatever you do there is always someone who giving a damn about it and talk things about you. And whatever you do there is always someone who did it better than you and admit it, you care about it, you feel like you can't.
I'm trying to not to care, but hey people, i have feelings too.

I miss those time when everything was just fine and people were nice, but everything turned out to be so mean and trying to hit me down.

And i miss you guys, who has passed away and meet God way more too earlier. We will meet again later, not now, aren't you guys want to see me being a doctor first?
Hope you guys laying in peace and full of happiness. You're all in a better place right now, believe me.
As the time goes by and i see people pass me by, I'm feeling old. Even tho, i know I'm not. But its just, I'm not that innocent little girl anymore, i started to understand things that people said to each other, things that i don't even have a clue what the hell is it back in those old days.

Day 5: Special Dinner

For the fifth day, we are talking about special dinner and if i could invite 10 person who would they be? And it is the hardest thing to answer so far.

Im kinda having this hard time to believe in people, its like whenever i trust people, its like the world tell me the truth, no lol wrong person, dear. Well, i just want to be happy and giving people they rights to have chance but it seems like they are the one who throw it away, its all yours, people

Trust is something hard to build, kay people. Once you lose it, you will lose it all. So please

But still, time goes on and on, that kind of 10 person who would be invited are:
1-3. My family which means including my mom, dad and brother. They are always there, I'm not me without their presence, they are always included and you don't have to ask first.

4. My grand mom from my mother side. She is so amazing, I'm telling you, she is the funniest grandma alive. Every trip that has her on it will be great in so many ways. You will not stop and you cannot stop laugh.

5. If i could bring my whole family i would. Seriously.
6. My best friends, and they are like more than 10. so, the heck should i do
7. This biatch (jk, i love you sel, you know it right) she is my cousin and my friends for life, we've know each other since we're just a baby.

 

She is ALWAYS on the left side, weird coincidence, and do not ask why

8-9. My guys, Ariel and Rico. They are also my cousin. How i miss you guys

10. A lot more friends or family, seriously, i can't decide it.

And this list could be changed whenever i want to, so you guys choose do you want to stay or leave
But for everyone that has took or is taking a part on my life, i don't really care when, i just want you guys to know that whatever you has done or you are doing in my life, it would mean something and so much to me, i can tell you. Thankyou for your kindness and thank you for taking a part, i love you guys more than you will ever know!!!!!!!
Please do not get tired of me, i love you guys, please be patient, I'm trying, kay

Day 4 : Something that make me feels better

Silence. It is gold, rare, you hardly find it but you can have it once you knew how, and it is also a killer. I need it when i started to get mad, but i can't stand it when I'm happy, ya feel me

A hot vanilla milk helps too. It's so nice, i cant't help myself to not to smile because of it.

Seeing someone i love smile, especially, because of me, like it's the best feeling in the world, isn't it?

A really big-warm-long hug, don't need any reason, just a hug would help

Having someone to tell you every time you need it that everything is gonna be just fine and turn out to be alright the way it used to be, even tho you don't believe it, but you need it just to make you feel stronger than before.

Laugh. You cannot deny it. Whenever i get sad and someone unexpectedly make me laugh, i thank God for that person. It feels so nice to know that i could still have fun and laugh even tho something is trying to drag me down.

And don't forget music, I don't know how to live my life without it, it saves people's life.

And here is some good crap that would help,
A good company. Of course.
The sims 3.
A hot or cold ice tea, you choose.
Talking to people you trust whole-heartedly.
Write about your feelings, or read a good book if you like to read.
Sing your playlist on the top of your lungs and not giving a damn to anything.
Take a hot bath.
Watch a good movie, maybe a movie-marathon.
Chocolate or your fav foods. Trust me, this is the best.
And the last thing that you can do is just pray and sleep. It works like a magic trick.

Day 3: A list of my favs

You will never know how much a girl can love, so i have so much things on my 'favorite' list.
Here we go:
1. Rain, snuggle weather not the storm.
2. Things that smells like an apple, i just love it tho i don't know why
3. Cheese! obviously, definitely yasss
4. I don't really get it why but I'm kinda obsessed with babies and puppies. In the future i want to raise a baby with a puppy at the same time if i could, so they could be bestfriends like for life.
5. Oldies. I grow with oldies so it is like a small part of my life
6. Seeing someone singing or playing acoustic music.
7. Listening to Mocca, Buble, Mymp
8. Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick Star
9. Definitely not math, chemistry and physics
10. Sleeping for like 10 hours or more
11. Writing, read a good book, blogging, it helps me get through my holiday
12. Michael Buble, Sungha Jung, Eric Clapton
13. My home
14. Small details
15. A cup of tea
16. Strawberry or vanilla milk. They are the best.
17. Christmas-break
18. Fairytales, like, who doesn't?
19. Laughing at inappropriate times and laughing till i got tears in my eyes. I can't help it
20. Doing nothing

Day 2: Something that I would never change

Unfortunately that 'something that i would never change' is not about a moment or a person, it is something that i would never change from my own self.

Well I'm just a person and i am a fool, and sometimes i hate myself, there is so much thing that i'd really like to change about myself, but maybe there is a thing that is good about me

I would like to keep my sense of humor, and my sarcasm.
Well if you know what i mean. My sense of humor is dominated with my sarcasm, so, you believe me, it is the best thing you will ever know *evil laugh*

It helps me a lot. It helps me get through this friggin-hard life and my high school life. I laugh at every damn thing even tho sometimes it is the thing that hurts me. And its like I'm living my life because I'm breathing with sarcasm. I just will spontaneously answer all the things with whatever that pass by my brain, so i don't really get offended easily and my whole life be like #nooffense but sometimes i mean it.

People will just talk about you like all the time and there is always someone who doesn't like you and just so you know, you will get hurt physically and emotionally if you keep it on your mind and heart.
So just don't take things too seriously. It kills people.

So, stay alive, peeps

Day 1: Selfie and Fun-facts

I know, i'm so sorry about this crappy selfie, ignore my face. Im not in a good mood to take a selfie so i just take a random pic from my folder.

So here we go the blogging challenge. Today is about me, you believe me, talking about your own self is the hardest thing ever. It's like, who am i, i don't know me
Don't bother to read the rest of this post, I'm not even sure that i really have something fun to be wrote as a fact about me. But i asked my friend to help me to find things between all of those mess which i mean is my self so just give it a try, kay

1. I was born 15 years and 2 months ago named Nicole Claudia Fretha and i've been called as Icon for like all of the time in my whole life and it started to sounds weird if someone call me in my real name, Nicole. It started to feels weird and unreal.

2. I have a great big warm lovely family, they are amazing just the way they are and once you get to know them you will find out why i love them all to death, they are so extraordinary in so many ways. Whenever i started to make a new friends i always wonder what would they think about my family, i mean like they are my world, if you don't like them then we are no longer friends kay

3. I am a headstrong. Like a real one. If i said so, then it must be like the way i said it. I hate to confess this thing but it is true.

4. I really talk a lot sometimes and i didn't realized it until my friend give me that, "wow stop it, you talk too much" look, And i be like "it is not me who is talking, there is someone inside me." I don't know i could talk that much sometimes

5. I get panicked easily, so damn easily. 'Keep calm' is just not my thing at all.

6. I am a sarcastic-weirdo. I am so sorry for my sarcasm, i just can't help it sometimes.

7. I'm a sleepyhead. This one is for sure, i could sleep for 10 hours and woke up still tired and go back to sleep again. Doing nothing is like one of my fav daily routine.

8. I love cheese. No, seriously. I put cheese on every food that is possible to eat with cheese on it. Dangerously cheesy is one of the best invention so far

9. I love old songs, oldies. Songs that would made people give me that "wut"-look if i tell them one of the singer.

10. I will be the nicest and the meanest person you ever see in your life. And I'm not holding my words once i assume you as my-weird-bestfriend, i will just let my mouth say it all, you better not get hurts easily. Once again it is not me who's talking, maybe

Okay this is started to feel a little bit harder, i don't know what to write again

11. I love and hate things whole-heartedly. you choose. And I'm that kind who love dogs and hate cats,  just in case you wondering.

12. I love small details, and it touches me and makes me happy to see someone remembers a small detail, its like, wow you heard me.

13. If we are best friends we could hangout in silence and I'm all okay with it, as long as I'm with you and you know that i love you, we will be just fine.

14. I don't get mad easily at people. You all have my trusts. Don't broke it. Once i get mad, you will lose it all. And i can't just yell at people, screaming or do something that will hurt people physically, i will just got my heart broken, lose all my respect and burst in tears.
But i laugh so damn loud easily, you believe me. I could laugh at things that has passed like a month and I'm still thinking about it.

15. Im shy as hell at first, and i will just smile and talk slightly, nice-person, well at first, but then you get to know me, i really talk a lot and i might be teasing you to your lowest point and not giving a damn about it.



Am so sorry, this post should be posted yesterday, but my laptop went wrong and got frozen.

10 Blog Challenge

Thinking about do something called 'Blogging Challenge' and i'll just take 10 because of the schoolsucks thingy. So for the next 10 days, i will post things on this blog based on the challenge that has been chosen. You guys should try it and have some fun with writing and blogging
I will start it on tuesday which is tomorrow so kay, here we go

So here is the 10 Day Blog Challenge that has been chosen by me:
1. Put a selfie and write 15 fun-facts about yourself
2. What is the thing that you would never change about yourself?
3. List your favorites
4. What makes you happy and feel better?
5. If you could have dinner with any ten person, who would they be?
6. Something that you miss
7. Your idea of perfect first date/dates
8. Your idea of perfect wedding, every details about it
9. The last time you cried and why?
10. Letter to someone who has hurt you or makes you happy, choose one

The Perks of being an 'Eve'

Let me tell you guys how it really feels if you ever found yourself wondering about being an 'Eve' which means being a girl.
They said if you're living your life in an easy way then you're doing it wrong, and it is not real life if you found it fair. Life is not fair, i don't get it how and why but i think that is how it must be...

Most of us, i mean girls, think about "life would be so much easier if i were a boy" and by most of us i mean is me most of the time.
There's a time when i love being a girl, i really love it like i mean it, so here is the good side of being a girl, believe me:
1. You can do anything you want to do, including get mad for no reason and yell to your boyfriend with an excuse that you're on your pms(pre-menstruate syndrome) or you're on your period-time. Im not saying this is good for everyone but this one saved my life a time or two or maybe eight.

2. We are all made to be loved. Yes, this one is for sure. We are made from Adams' ribs so, we must be something important to be protected, am i right?

3. Having a guy-bestfriend(s). Believe me girls, those kind of friends are the best thing you can get. You can feeling like you are safe, loved, protected and you can still tease them to their lowest point tho and they are not your boyfriend so you can share your embarrassing moments with them, make fun of them, doing crazy stuffs that made you uncontrollably laugh until it embarrass you to hear your own laughter and you can bring them home to get to know with your mom without getting that awkward moment. And you will get LESS DRAMA. I'm telling you girls, less drama, you will have something called peace.

4. Having 'girls best friends' well is the most common thing to be seen or heard. Having a girl-bestfriend is like having a supporter, they will do anything to cheer you up and support you in every step you take. Here is the difference about having a girl and a guy befriend. A girlbf will support me in every step you take, well most of the time, not all of the time and when you failed they will be there to cheer you up, and a guybf will tell you what is right thing to do and what is not. They keep you from failing.

5. You can mix your clothes and look like a careless or effortless fashion sense kind of people or a homeless without being called weird. Fashion is fashion, and girls can wear anything she wanted to and people will not really giving a damn about it.

6. Having babies in our tummy, being a mom and raise our kid, being a superwoman, later in the future. They said it would be the most amazing thing a girl will ever feel. I also think that being a mom would be everything and the best thing for a girl to do.
I want to be my kid's first love<3

Well those six maybe some of the good things, there is more but they are the best. And here is the struggle being a girl, and I-mean-it :
1. We have to deal with all of the useless drama in school about a girl act like a biatch and the other biatch can't handle it, so there you go, and I'm all like, I'm okay with cookies and cream, its a lot more enjoyable that seeing people taking down other people. Just leave me, am alright.

2. Girls cannot eat too much carbs and pizza, or potato chips, and how should i live my life without that kind of thing? A normal shaped girl should be as thin as a paper. And no, I'm not okay with that. Like i said before, i love cookies and cream to death.

3. All we can do is just waiting till the time comes, i mean like, a good guy always choose a wrong girl, well here we go again with the statement that life is unfair as we know it.

4. PMS and period-time. It is the most annoying thing you will ever know and a girl will ever feel.
It feels like your whole body is ruined, even a soft pinch in your hair or skin could make you cry or mad or both. In my case, I'm feeling like every single thing is bothering my life and all i wanna do is screaming at people' face and yell at them, and at the same time i want to hug someone and being loved, protected. It is so complicated and hurts. The period itself, it gets me a back pain, and there is a real pain in my tummy and it feels like a monster is growing in my tummy and it is turning me into a monster either.
And the fear that the blood will soaked is always following me in every step that i take, and it cannot be stopped. So guys, I'm so sorry if you ever get my random-period-attack, it is killing me slowly too
these pic sums up everything:
you guys should understand

5. And we need or have to be nice most of the time. There will always be plenty of rules about how to eat, talk, walk, greet people, smile, i don't know maybe breath, and many stuffs that girls are not allowed to do.

6. We can't just hang with people that we would love to hang with, or talk with, the society will judge us like no matter what. The society be like, "you talk to boys? you are a whore", "you hang with guys? ewh. whore" "you have a guybfriend? you must be in love with him and got friendzoned" "you had too much fun for a girl, bad girl" "you are too nice, don't be naive" "Put some clothes on" "What kind of clothes you're wearing? bedsheets?"
The society never can be pleased.

7. And I'm definitely hate all of those drama-queens that playing a role as a victim to get attention from other people, that is just, ugh. Get a life, girls. And yea, underestimating other girls to be the one is not the way and its not make you any better tho, you look stupid like why aren't you realize that?

To be honest, we, all the girls, we don't want too much from you guys, we just want to feel accepted and sometimes we need to be loved and don't have  to fight for it. Just show us your love, we will love you even more. They said, a girl is a reflection of a man's love, if you love us in the right way, we will love you a hundred times more.
Sometimes all we need is just a big warm hug and to be spoiled , and just for your information, if we (girls) get attached to something we don't let go easily, and we love things whole-heartedly so don't be afraid that we could just stop loving you suddenly. We never will.
Because they said that if a man do all the things with her strength of his hand and thoughts, then woman will do all the things with her power of kindness and love.
And please do not ever get tired of us, please be patient and fight for us, once you get us right you will never lose us again, and you will be loved unconditionally.

You guys should really don't mess up with something that could bleed for a week in a month and don't die.


And girls, strong-smart and uncontrollably laughter is the new sexiest thing, believe me, laugh and smile is the best make up that girl could ever wear. Don't let anything get you down.